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I wrote this a while ago and, for some reason, I never posted. So, here’s some form of update from me until the end of next week!
Ha clears her throat as she picks up a card and looks to L-
Ha- Have you ever used a dildo or vibrator?
L turns bright red
L- No! Of course not!
H and M snigger as L puts a ‘0’ next to ‘Question 1’ on her scoresheet.
Ha-
M- Sure. I had quite a collection before Remus came on the scene.
M nudges Helen.
M- We went shopping for them, once. It was fun.
H winks at M and L’s mouth drops open indignantly.
L- Why wasn’t I invited?
H- Because, darling, your answer to the question was ‘No, of course not!’
L sighs and sips more of her cocktail.
Ha- Helen?
H- Now I have to admit that I never used or owned one until Sirius bought me one when he graduated from Auror school.
M and Ha snigger.
L (confused)- I don’t get it. Why would he…
H- Honestly, isn’t your husband an auror? What happens when they go on those long missions?
L- They’re usually only a week long!
H sighs wistfully.
H- So long…
L- So he bought you one because….
M- So Helen doesn’t look elsewhere for sex whilst he’s gone. Obviously.
H laughs.
H- I remember the first time. I was so embarrassed when I opened the box, but I had pms and just had to get a release and… yeah, it was good. Not as good as the real thing, obviously, but good enough for the short bursts when he’s gone.
M- And cheating on Sirius Jnr with a plastic vibrating contraption evidently isn’t a big deal for Sirius. I wish Remus felt the same way…
H (shocked)- No!
Ha (surprised)- He doesn’t let you use them?
They all turn to Ha.
H (in disbelief)- Snape doesn’t mind you using a vibrator?
Ha (bright red)- We erm… experiment with them to…gether….
They all laugh (except for L who is disturbed) and M sighs wistfully.
M- He thinks that it’s a sign that he’s not meeting my needs. He won’t listen when I say it’s only for when Full Moon comes around…. And when I say that, he questions why I can’t hold out for a few days seeing as he himself is.
They all sit in silence and then M picks up another card. She laughs.
M- Have you ever caught your partner masturbating?
L (covering her eyes)- Oh God!
H (amused)- What? Don’t tell me- you’ve caught James, haven’t you!
L nods, looking mortified.
L- It was awful. He had a magazine and…. Ugh! I couldn’t look at him for a week!
H sighs.
M- You, Helen?
H- Once or twice. I didn’t really mind… oh hey, Lily! You finally have a point!
L scowls and M rolls her eyes.
M- Hannah?
Ha (slowly)- No… and how did you not care, Helen? Didn’t you get offended?
H shrugs.
H- No. Sometimes it’s good to have ‘me’ time. I get it.
Ha-
M- Nope.
H laughs.
H- Too bad. Oh look! I’m winning.
L (drily)- We’re only two questions into the game, Helen.
H shrugs and pours out another round of cocktails.
H- My turn… okay! Question three- oh sure- Lily? Have you ever played the part of a dominatrix?
L turns bright red.
L (in a small voice)- Yes.
H’s mouth drops.
H- You… you have?
L (mortified)- James said it was a fantasy of his. I did it for his birthday last year.
H looks at L dubiously and then turns to M.
H- You?
M shakes her head.
M- Once. It was fun
H- Hannah?
Ha- Umm… yes. Quite often, actually…
Ha hums to herself and drinks more cocktail. H stares at them all in disbelief.
H- You… you all have?
L (smirking)- And you haven’t, Helen?
H puts the card away haughtily.
H- I can’t say it’s my thing.
L (surprised)- Really? The way you order Sirius around, I thought this would be a no-brainer for you!
H shakes her head and becomes busy with her nails.
H- No, I sort of prefer it the opposite…in bed, that is…
M laughs.
M- Oh no! I never would have picked you for the submissive type!
Ha- I would, actually. In bed, there’s usually a role reversal- which is why I was surprised that you, Lily, had done the dominatrix thing. Anyway, Helen’s usually such a control freak- no offence, Helen- that I imagine it must be a relief for her to just to shut up and do what she’s told in bed.
H (surprised)- You get me so well!
Ha- I think my husband’s like that.
H- Oh…. But yes, it’s a bit like that. I love it when he orders me around in bed.
L laughs as she picks up the next card.
L- Then this question’s for you, Helen. Have you ever been tied up?
H shrugs.
H- Yeah. Quite often.
M- Yep.
Ha- No.
L sighs.
L- Yeah, me neither…. Oh, poor Sirius has to tie you up? Is he that bad?
H laughs
H- No, but I’d love it if you asked him that question anyway.
L laughs.
L- Get me drunk enough and I think I just might…
M- Right. Hannah, have you ever had anal sex?
Ha (slowly, and turning red)- No…
They all look at her closely.
H- What’s with the slow ‘no….’?
Ha (snapping)- If the question comes up, I shall answer truthfully. Keep asking the others.
M- It’s a long shot- but Lily?
L- Of course not!
M- I think I already know- Helen?
H (casually)- Yep.
L (whispering)- Didn’t it hurt?
H shakes her head.
H- No. Not if you use heaps of lube.
L looks both disgusted and curious
L- Did you… did you like it?
H shrugs.
H- Not bad. Doesn’t get me off as much as actual sex, but if we’re going for an all-nighter marathon, I’m fine with it…. Anyway, what about you- Marina?
M- Not with Remus, but I have done before.
Ha (with wide eyes)- Does Remus know?
M (mildly)- It’s never come up.
L looks apprehensive and M and H laugh.
H- What’s wrong, Lily?
L- Well, when we were first trying to have sex, James sort of got the wrong hole…
They all burst out laughing.
M (choking on her drink)- Oh God…
M runs out of the room, spluttering.
H- So you have done anal, then!
L- Surely that doesn’t count!
H laughs and pats L on the shoulder.
H- Whatever you say, dear. Your turn to ask, now that
Ha- Have you ever used a mirror?
L frowns.
L- What do you use a mirror for?
H chokes on her own drink and runs to the bathroom as M is coming back.
M- What did I miss? Is Helen also choking? Is it still about you losing your anal virginity before your vaginal virginity?
L (stiffly)- No. I was asking what this question means?
M snorts.
M- A mirror…
L- Yes, what’s it for?
M- Well, if you have sex in front of a mirror… you can see it happening, and it’s sort of like watching porn about yourselves as it’s happening…
L looks horrified.
L- Who would do that?
M- We’ve never done it, though I get the appeal.
H returns, breathing heavily.
H- Lily, I’m so glad we’re friends. I don’t think I laugh this much with anyone else.
L scowls.
L- Answer the question.
H- Oh yeah- we used to use the fourth floor mirror all the time at school.
L- You were that kinky during school!
H fans herself.
H- I remember Halloween- that was the first time we used the mirror. Merlin, that was the hottest sex I’d ever had up until that point.
M- I’m not sure if that means anything.
H (confidingly)- Trust me, it was something else.
Ha- So the mirror is a favourite with you two?
M- I guess it’d help her whole ‘submissive’ thing if he’s ordering her not to close her eyes and watch him shagging her..
H (surprised)- How did you know!
M rolls her eyes.
Ha- I’ve used a mirror, by the way. Once or twice.
H- Was it good?
Ha- I erm…don’t know that we used it the same way as you and Sirius did…
H (curiously)- You have a dark sex secret which you don’t want to share. This game was the kinkiest one in the shop, so I’d better discover it by the end of tonight.
Ha- I suppose I’d better keep drinking then.
H- Amen to that!
H pours out more cocktail.
H- Okay, my turn to ask.
H- Now, have you ever constructed a complete role play for sex?
L blushes- Yes?
H- Tell, tell!
L- I was a cheerleader, and he was the quidditch star and…well, you get the rest…
H- Please tell me it was in a change room.
L gives a curt nod and H laughs.
H- Hannah?
Ha (blushing)- Yes.
H- Well?
Ha- He was the naughty potions student, I was the teacher.
H- Aha… I think we’re getting closer to your dark secret….
M- Sure. All the time. They’re always different.
H- Give us your favourite, then.
M (biting her lip)- The massage parlour.
L- Huh?
M- He’s massaging me- and it’s meant to be innocent… but then his hand starts roaming a little bit indecently and then I confront him and then it’s all out oily sex. (grinning)- I love it.
H- Huh. That sounds quite good.
L- What about you, Helen?
H nods.
H- Yeah, every now and then.
L- Well? What’s your favourite?
H (blushing a little)- Secretary and boss.
L- I gather you’re not the boss- for a change.
H smirks.
H- It’s so much fun finding outfits for it… gives me an excuse to go shopping. And then I get to wear glasses and have these high heels and sexy lingerie with suspenders and….
M- Sounds like you enjoy the shopping part of it more than the sex!
H- No, no the sex is good. Very good.
L- Let me guess? It involves more of you being submissive.
H shrugs innocently.
L- Okay… question 8. Have you ever had public sex?
H (yawning)- Bo-ring.
L (drily)- I know. You had sex in the cloakroom of my wedding reception.
H smiles innocently.
Ha- Define public?
H- Let’s say anywhere not at home that also isn’t a hotel room… basically, anywhere where it’s probably illegal to have sex.
Ha- Is a beach illegal?
L- I think so.
H- Either way, it counts. When was this?
Ha- Our honeymoon.
H- Lovely.
M- No, actually. Remus is always far too respectful for that… it’s annoying, sometimes.
H- Lily?
L- Well, if a beach counts then yes.
H- Wow.
L- Honeymoon as well.
H- You know, with all the sex that goes on in beaches, you’d think that no one would swim in them anymore!
L (surprised)- You’ve never had sex on the beach?
H- No. Too much sand for my liking.
L- Not even in the beach?
H- Nope. If you’re trying to get me to admit to doing it anywhere water-related, then we’ve done it both in and by the lake out the back.
M- Oh yeah, I forgot you had that.
H smiles non-tellingly.
M- Back to me?
H- Yeah, but can we take a toilet break before round two? I’m busting after all those cocktails…
L- Yeah, me too…
H- I get the toilet first!
L- There’s one upstairs as well!
H- Oh yeah- well you go downstairs then…
A bit of fun. Part 2 will come around after a few more present-day posts. But this was fun to write!
<3
H- Bloody Hell. I just had the worst nightmare. Sirius and I got married as a Halloween prank, and then I got pregnant on our Wedding night and our child was this nasty little girl who turned out to be the Devil spawn. Remind me to never get married on Halloween.
L yawns and sits up.
L- Well, it’s understandable that you’d confuse Sirius with the Devil… or yourself with the Devil. Both associations are equally plausible.
H throws L a dirty look and starts getting dressed. H frowns as she surveys her lingerie collection.
H- Hmn, I wonder which set I should wear today…
L casts a disapproving look at what seems to be an entire Agent Provocateur store, laid out on H’s bed.
H- I think I’ll go for black. After all, it is Halloween.
L laughs drily.
L- So what? That cuts out half of your options.... so you’re left with 10 different sets!
H shakes her head.
H- I think I’ll go for the corset today. I just love how those matching undies tie up at the sides…. Sirius will love it too.
L purses her lips.
L- Well you just make sure he’s taken his potion, or else your ‘devil-spawn’ child might actually become a reality.
H sticks her tongue out at L and pulls the hangings of her bed as she starts to get dressed.
5 mins later…
H- Uh Lily? Can you help me with the lacing of this corset? I’m sort of stuck…
L sighs patiently.
L (muttering as she goes to help H)- That girl belongs in a psych ward…
…
Peter (yes he’s alive here!)- I think we should go to Honeydukes today! They’re giving out their new range of pumpkin soft-centred chocolates today!
R sighs patiently.
R- Yes, but we really ought to start planning tonight.
J- Oh relax, Moony. We’ll just wing it.
R- There is no winging tonight! I am very against you boys coming to visit me during my transformation- people will be out for Halloween as it is!
S- Which means we’ll have more fun!
R- No! No! No!
S (in a girly voice)- Oh yes, yes, yes!
J (disturbed)- Sirius, stop being a poof.
S (indignantly)- A poof? Moi?
J- Yes.
S- Well, my cherie is testament to the fact that I most certainly am not a poof. You, on the other hand…
J- Your cherie hardly ever spends any time with you to see your true self.
S frowns.
S- This is true. Why is that?
P- Because she prefers studying?
S (sourly)- She does not prefer studying to me and all I have to offer her!
R (his lips twitching)- And what do you offer her, exactly?
S turns bright red as he feels J’s eyes on him.
S- Umm… my good looks, of course! Not to mention the fact that I’m the best sha..er…snog she’s ever had.
R raises an eyebrow.
R (delicately)- Because she’s sha-er-snogged how many people other than you to compare with?
S glares daggers at R who tries to hold back his laughter.
J (informatively)- Oh, Helen’s snogged many other guys.
S (irritably)- Thank you, Prongs.
J- What? You know she has!
S- Yes, but there’s no need to rub it in my face!
J (surprised)- I never knew that it was such a sore point!
S glares at R and stalks out of the boy’s dorm.
The Common Room.
H is sitting uncomfortably, with a very straight back- due to the corset. She is finding it very hard to study- and breathe.
S (gruffly)- Let’s go.
H looks up to see him, looking very annoyed, and raises her eyebrows.
H- We’re going to Hogsmeade together in three hours!
S- Yes, but I want to go now, so let’s go.
H crosses her arms.
H- Well I can’t. I have to finish this essay.
S- Can’t you ever choose me over your study? Just once?
The common room falls silent and H blushes.
H (hissing)- What’s your problem?
S- My problem is that… can we just go somewhere else? Everyone’s listening.
H throws him a dirty look and they leave the common room.
As soon as they’re in the space behind the mirror on the fourth floor…
H (shouting)- What the hell was that? I’m never just going to drop everything to accommodate for your stupid mood swings!
S- Well that just confirms everything that the other boys said, then, doesn’t it?
H- Huh?
S- They said that you prefer studying than being with me. Honestly, other than shagging, what do you see me as?
H sighs.
H- Now you’re being ridiculously melodramatic. You know that I… uh…
S- No, I don’t know. And if you can’t even say it…
H- Look, I don’t like saying it! Anyone can say it, and it means nothing. Look! I can easily tell that painting on the wall that I love it, I can easily tell that moth on the window that I love it…
S- But you can’t tell me?
H (impatient, and frustrated)- Is that what you wanted? You just want to hear me say that I ‘love’ you, and then you’ll let me finish my essay so we can get on with our day?
S- I never liked the needy girls, but you’re from some other planet- a cold one. Pluto, maybe.
H tries to shift the corset under her uniform, which L has done far too tightly. She starts to feel light-headed.
S sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
S- Ah forget it…
H (faintly)- Can you get this off me? I think I’m going to pass out…
S’s eyes widen as she starts undressing.
S (gulps)- Forget what I said. You’re definitely not cold…
H (irritably)- Now is not the time to tell me that you think I’m hot. Hurry up and undo the lacings!
S- Umm…. How do I?
H- Oh for goodness sake- start here!
She takes his hands and guides them to where the first knot is. S undoes the lace (albeit reluctantly- he likes the look) quickly.
H (breathing heavily)- Oh, that’s better.
The corset drops to the floor and H rests her forehead against the mirror, catching her breath. S stares at her practically naked (except for the undies, stockings and shoes) form.
H (still leaning against the mirror)- I…I do love you. I do, it’s just… I don’t like saying it, because it sounds like such a normal thing to say and- whatever we are- we’re not normal, and I like that.
S blinks as he stops staring at her body and processes what she’s just said.
S (quietly)- Sorry. I don’t know why I listen to those boys… as if they’ve had so much success with girls to talk!
H looks at his reflection in the mirror.
H (raising an eyebrow)- Well aren’t you going to say it to me?
S smiles at her and comes up behind her and kisses her neck.
S (murmuring against her skin)- Je t’aime..
H sighs and turns around quickly tries to undress him as he continues to kiss her neck.
S (laughing as H tugs down his pants)- I think that’s the quickest you- or anyone else- has ever undressed me.
H (hissing)- Just shut up and…
S (quietly)- Turn around.
H (the only time she ever follows orders is during sex) does as she’s told and S trails kisses down her back until he comes to her panties. He smiles and unties the bows on either side of her hips and watches them fall to the ground in a small pile of black silk.
H’s breathing is shallow as he kisses her neck again and slowly enters her from behind. She gasps and brings her palms down on the mirror roughly, creating small cracks in the mirror
H (raspily)- Say it again…
S laughs a little and kisses her shoulder lingeringly as he continues to move in and out of her.
S- Ma cherie, je t’aime…
H lets out a strangled sigh and S pushes her away from him.
H (frustrated)- You can’t be done already! I was so close…
S (smirking)- Oh, I’m no where near done with you. Now, turn around.
H complies and he kisses her again and lifts her up against the mirror, so that she can wrap her legs around his waist.
The mirror starts misting around them from the heat which is emanating from their bodies.
H (bringing her head against the mirror as she feels her release close)- Oh fuck!
S (laughing a little)- That mirror’s going to be cracked through and through by the time we’re done.
H- Who cares… just…
H lets out a small scream and they both fall to the ground as S’s knees give way. Luckily for H, S cushions her fall.
S (groaning)- Ouch…
H (out of breath)- Oh sweet Circe, that was… (suddenly realising that S is under her)- Oh, are you okay?
S (drily)- Thanks for asking.
H- What happened?
S- Well, I don’t think it’s ever been that intense, if you know what I mean.
H sighs and turns to lie on her back.
H- Oh, I think I have a fair idea… that was…
S- I love that corset of yours.
H laughs and kisses S lingeringly.
H- How about you give all my other lingerie a chance before you single that one out as your favourite?
S- I think it’ll be hard to top what we had just now.
H (musing)- This is true…. oh Merlin, what was that? It was just… I can’t even explain it. Actually, I’m not sure I want to…
S (murmuring)- You’re always so talkative after sex. I think from now on, we’ll start the day with sex, and then you’ll be so affectionate and loving towards me that we’ll actually, for once, get through our dates having had a proper conversation.
H hits him but S pulls her to him and kisses her, and she doesn’t complain.
H (when they pull away)- Where’s my wand? I need to fix that mirror…
……
J- Something is wrong with Helen. I repeat, Helen is behaving in a most unnatural manner.
R- She is acting very strangely. Look- she just kisses Sirius- in public!
P- And they’re holding hands.
J- Unnatural. Oh, this is a most horrid situation we find ourselves in, Marauders! Something’s happened to Helen and… oh look! There’s my Lilykins! Perhaps she can help us solve the mystery!... Oh Lily!
L tries to run off, pretending that she hasn’t seen J, but he catches up to her very quickly.
J- Lily!
L forces a smile.
L- Hi James. What do you want?
J goes to ponder this question and L looks frightened at what he might suggest.
L- I have to go…
J- It’s Helen! She’s acting strangely.
L frowns.
L- How so?
J lowers his voice
J- She’s kissing Sirius, and holding his hand…
L laughs.
L- Well, in case no one bothered to tell you, they have been going out with each other for the past few years- albeit on and off.
J shakes his head seriously.
J- No, Lily, this is different. They’re doing all of this… in public!
L blinks, surprised.
L (in disbelief)- They are? Where are they?
J nods, glad that L understands why this is very strange, and leads her to Honeydukes where S has just put a chocolate in H’s mouth, and then kissed her.
L- Wow… that’s something you don’t see. Why, they look positively loving towards each other!
R- Ah, so you agree Lily?
L- Something’s not on. Perhaps Black has spiked her chocolate with Amortensia… oh, this is too much.
L grimaces as H puts a finger on S’s cheek (getting an eyelash) and holds it out for him to make a wish. More kissing ensues, and the rest of the Marauders and L are finding it hard to keep their breakfast down.
J- Something is definitely amiss. Even Sirius never behaves that way with Helen!
R- Then again, perhaps it’s good for them that they’re finally becoming a bit more ‘couple-like’ with each other?
Everyone else shakes their head vehemently.
L- Give me the screaming matches and then violent make-up shags over this any day.
J (sharply)- Shags?
L- I meant …er…snogs.
J blinks in surprise.
J- is the word ‘Ersnogs’? I always thought it was ‘snogs’, but everyone’s saying ‘ersnogs’ today!
L raises her eyebrows and R shakes his head, as if to say- ‘don’t ask’.
… Helen and Sirius-
H- Did you know that my birthday comes on a very important day in witchcraft? It’s on the Spring Equinox.
S- No, you’ve never told me that.
H- Well, now you know. I think it accounts for some of my talent.
S- Because having Circe as your ‘mother’ doesn’t help you in any way at all.
H laughs and hits him, and S kisses her again and she kisses him back rather enthusiastically
H (giggling)- Is that James, Remus and Peter staring at us?
S- And Lily.
H- They all look so white! What’s wrong with them, I wonder?
S shrugs and they both wave at the group as they walk off to Madame Puddifoot’s.
H- So I had this horrible dream last night, where we had this horrid daughter and she…
S chokes on his coffee and H looks surprised.
H- Are you okay, mon cheri? Shall I get water?
S- You had a dream about us… having kids? You?
H (frowning)- Just because I don’t tell you these things, it doesn’t mean that I’ve never thought about them!
S looks at her closely
S- What else haven’t you told me?
H blushes.
S- Well?
H- Nothing… nothing…
S- Oh come on, I won’t laugh.
H- I think it’ll scare you.
S (shrugs)- It won’t. I’ve thought about having kids with you too, if it makes you feel any better.
H (surprised)- You have?
S- Sure. I’ve never told you because, quite frankly, I thought you’d freak out so much that you’d end up breaking up with me.
H laughs softly and looks down at her scone.
H- That’s probably true. I… I don’t know. It’s not something I ever thought you needed to know, as such, but something I just wonder about every now and then. I mean, we’re only 18…
S (quietly)- I don’t think being any older is going to make me any more or less certain that I’ll never want anyone else.
H looks up at him and he smiles hesitantly. She looks away quickly, biting her lip.
S- Sorry, I didn’t know…
H (annoyed at herself)- No, no, it’s not you… it’s my stupid eyes! They’ve become watery… I think… excuse me a moment.
H runs off to the bathroom, hating herself for getting so emotional about S’s statement.
When H comes back, she doesn’t sit at the table.
H (quietly)- Can we go somewhere else?
…
They are both lying in the middle of a field, H’s head resting on S’s chest.
S (quietly)- I see you’ve reverted to being your private self, once again.
H says nothing, but takes S’s hand and interlaces her fingers with his. She then kisses his hand.
H- I don’t like being public about…us. And I don’t like saying things…
She trails off and turns around so that she’s looking down into his eyes. She kisses him.
H- Actually, I’ve always been scared to say these things, because I’ve always been scared that we wouldn’t last and then I’d have let down my defences only to not end up with you.
S traces the line of her cheekbone.
S- But…
H- I don’t say anything unless I mean it. Not when it comes to serious matters, anyway. So, when I told you before that I loved you, I meant it.
S smiles a little but H still looks troubled.
H- But I know that other people aren’t like that. I know you said to other girls that you loved them, just to get them into bed. I know that you’ve told a lot of girls many things which you didn’t mean, and… well, I’d just rather that you say nothing at all instead of telling me what you think I want to hear.
S leans forward and kisses H and pulls her to lie on his chest again.
S (toying with her hair)- But, ma cherie, I didn’t say ‘I love you’.
H- Yes, you did!
S- No, I said ‘je t’aime.’
H says nothing and S continues.
S- And surely you know by now that you’re not like the others? Of course you must… And I’ve never had to try coercing you to do anything.
H (quietly)- But you have.
S- What?
H sits up.
H- Because you still don’t know everything about me and, for you, that’s what it’s always been about. The only difference between the other girls and I is that they opened up to you completely. And, as soon as they did, you had no use for them. You think it was sex- but did you ever think that it’s just because they happened to open up around the same time they had sex with you?
S- But…
H- But it’s true, mon cheri! I too thought it was the sex- which is why I think I made us put it off for so long- but it didn’t satisfy you completely did it? That’s the thing about me that still has you here today- you’re not yet satisfied that you’ve ‘figured me out’. Because, of course, for people like you and I- once any form of challenge or puzzle is gone- or once it’s already been solved- it becomes boring. And that’s precisely why we’re still together now- but also why I infuriate you like I did this morning… because not being able to solve puzzles- or have any clues- gets very frustrating at times.
S (incredulously)- So you’re saying that you’ll never ‘open up’ to me, because you think that’ll keep me interested for longer?
H looks away.
H- No. Because, as rare as it is for me to completely open up to someone, there comes a point when it’s exhausting for me not to. So today, mon cheri, is the day when I tell you- yes, I love you.
Yes, I’ve thought about us getting married, having kids, waking up next to you every morning, going to sleep with you every night- what it’d be like for us to grow old together. I’m not as cold or as unfeeling as you think I am. I’ve thought about all that, and sometimes wished and prayed so hard that it might come true because that would just be something so wonderful- so wonderful, that I’d have to pinch myself every morning just to believe it.
I’ve thought about what it might be like to be able to tell you absolutely everything- to not refrain from saying things because I know it’ll scare you away from me- but to know that you love me unconditionally enough for it not to even matter….
H sighs.
H- I’m really just a normal person. I’m not incapable of committing- actually, it’s what I want most. The only problem is that I’ve been scared that it won’t be reciprocated in the same way and that I’ll have given my heart and soul to someone who’ll just run off with them and never give them back.
S stares at H, and she smiles sadly.
H- So now you know. Now you know that, in effect, I’m just like all the other girls who loved you too much. The only difference is that I had the advantage of observing their mistakes enough times to know what to do… but what am I doing now? I’m just making their mistake all over again.
H sighs.
H- I’m sorry, Sirius, but I really couldn’t keep this up for any longer. Especially not now that school is nearly over.
H goes to leave but S takes her wrist.
S- You think that’s solved all of your mysteries for me?
H turns around and frowns.
H- What?
S- Do you think that admitting to all these thoughts you’ve had about a future with me- do you think that that has ‘solved’ you, for me?
H- Well…
S- It doesn’t even barely scratch the surface of what makes you ‘you’. And- as right as you think you are- you’re wrong. Because you, I know, are like me. You like that challenge of trying to figure someone else out as well, but when I told you that you were the only person I’d ever want, you started crying!
H (grumbling)- My eyes were…
S- Yeah, watering- keep saying that honey. The thing is, it was what you really wanted to know. How do you know that, after all this time, I’m not tired of wondering if you actually wanted me, or if you’re just going along with it? - if you even actually feel anything for me, the way I feel about you?
H looks down and S takes her face in his hands.
S (whispering against her lips)- You have no idea what hearing you say all those things just now felt like. You thought it would make me lose interest- but it was the opposite! I’ve never wanted you more than I do now.
H- But…
S- Why? Because now I know that you actually might feel a fraction of what I feel and want from you. Now I know that you’re not just this fantasy who won’t last the school year but a very possible reality…
H frowns
H- But you’re meant to…
S raises his eyebrows and H frowns again.
H- So you… you really meant it, then?
S- Everything I’ve ever told you? Yes.
H looks confused and sits back on the ground, as though she’s trying to solve a difficult puzzle. S laugh incredulously at her and sits next to her and takes her hand.
S- Really, it’s nothing quite as difficult as the Arithmancy proofs you’re very capable of solving. It really is as simple as just accepting it.
H turns to him, frowning
H- How come it’s so easy for you to accept? I thought you’d have a hard time of dealing with this!
S (laughing)- I think it’s only so easy for me because you’re finding it so difficult.
H screws up her nose.
H (as though pleading for him to take it back)- Do you really mean it, then?
S rolls his eyes.
S- Yes, you silly girl. I really mean it! Why can’t…
H starts crying and S looks at a loss for words.
S (startled)- What… why are you crying!
H- I…d…don’t….k…know
S bites his lip and hugs her, because he doesn’t know what else to do.
S (muttering)- And you thought I’d figured you out… I don’t get this at all!
H- I don’t g...get it e…either!
S- Great. So neither of us get you, I get me- you have no idea… lovely! We have a whole lifetime ahead of us to try figuring you out, firstly, and then to help you figure me out.
H laughs weakly and they lie down.
H (murmuring, after a while)- Thank you.
S- For what?
H kisses him and puts her hand over his heart.
H- For this.
S smiles- Take good care of it.
H- You too
They smile at each other… until Helen has another crying fit.
….
Others-
R- I have to go
J and P look at each other, and then L
R (easily)- It’s okay, boys. Stay here and watch the Halloween celebrations.
R leaves
L (curiously)- Where’s he going?
J- Oh… just home to his mum.
L- Oh.
J- So, Lily? Have a date for the Halloween floats?
L- That’s none of your business.
J- As Head Boy, I think you’ll find it most definitely is my business where my partner in crime is spending her Halloween!
L laughs.
L- Well, no. I don’t have a date, actually. I was just going to….
J- Come with me?
L (uneasily)- Um…
J- Aw, come on Lils- look, even Helen and Sirius are affectionate today. Whilst my bet is still that they’ve been drugged with Amortentia, surely- Amortensia or not- you can find it in your heart to watch the Halloween parade sitting next to me in the stands.
L blushes.
L- Okay, Potter. You’ve got yourself a date.
J beams and P sighs, knowing he’ll be alone for Halloween- again.
…
H,S, L and J watch the floats that night. After they say goodbye to the girls, J & S wake P up.
J- Oi! Get up Wormtail. We’re not leaving Moony alone on Halloween of all nights!
And so the Marauders, in true Marauder fashion, went to their friend who was undergoing a series of unpleasant transformations, and amused him for the evening.
And, despite R’s initial protests against their joining him, it really did lessen the pain and made him very happy to know that his friends had not abandoned him for their respective girls… and bed (in Peter’s case).
And so they spent the rest of the evening making ghoulish noises which rendered the rest of Hogsmeade petrified with fear.
A Happy Halloween to all!
Much love,
Anya
And (fyi) this is Helen's lingerie set (it's AP- my current obsession!)
Lawyer- We are gathered here for the reading of the last will and testament of Walburga Black.
Everyone sits quietly and L(Lawyer) clears his throat:
L (reading from a parchment)-
‘To my eldest grandson, Alphard Sirius Black, I bequeath the sum of ten thousand galleons, and my engagement ring for his future wife, whoever she may be.’
Al turns white.
Al (hoarsely)- Ten… thousand! Since when was she so rich?
S (muttering)- She liked hoarding- and spending it on useless events.
L- ‘To my daughter-in-law, Helen Circe Black, I leave the care of my house-elf, Kreacher to assist her in properly cleaning her house.’
H (looking as though she’s sucking a lemon)- Bitch
L- I also leave to Helen Circe Black the diamond tiara I wore on my wedding day. I hope she might wear this the next time she remarries my son.
H (sarcastically)- Ha ha ha, very funny Walburga.
S laughs a little.
S- Well, it sort of is, if you think about it…
H- There is no way we’re having that mad house elf.
An (hissing)- Mum! Shut up!
H rolls her eyes.
L (continuing)-
‘To my other daughter-in-law- Connie Winifred Black- I leave my sapphire and diamond necklace, my emerald and diamond bracelet, my ruby earrings, and my pearl set. I hope she will continue to be a dutiful wife to my son.’
H (indignantly)- How come she loved you so much! She was over at my house way more often than she was at yours!
C shrugs and H crosses her arms sulkily.
L-
‘To my grandchildren, Orion and Walburga, I bequeath ten thousand galleons each, and a five carat diamond each, from my diamond collection.’
O and W continue playing with their toys, oblivious.
L-
‘To my niece, Bellatrix, I leave my theses on blood purity, and a two carat diamond. I also leave two carat diamond rings to Narcissa and Andromeda, whom I never forgave in life.’
B- That blood traitor!
L-
‘To my son, Regulus, I leave the sum of fifteen thousand galleons and all his father’s clothes.’
R (confused)- But what about the houses?
L-
‘To my eldest son, Sirius, I bequeath the family home,
S (numbly)- She left me the house? Why…
L (holds up a hand and continues)-
‘I ask that he try to find it in his heart to forgive me for being such a terrible mother in life.’
S looks shocked and H takes his hand
L-
‘To my great-grandaughter, Cara Alphina Black, I bequeath my most valuable diamond in my diamond-collection- my ten carat diamond. I know she will not remember her Great-grandmother, but hope that she might keep me with her through this diamond.’
L sighs.
- ‘And lastly, to my beloved grand-daughter, Anka Leda Black. To her, I leave the Black family Chateau in France, as well as the remainder of my twenty thousand galleons, the remainder of my jewellery collection, and all of my other possessions. I suggest she take a trip to visit
Everyone stares at An who wipes her tears.
R (suddenly)- As if she gave your side so much! You were the bad son!
S (easily)- I guess she felt guilty
R- And to think I put up with all her crap only to get a shit deal at the end of…
An (angrily)- She was your mother, and she just died! Surely that means more to you than her stupid will
R- Easy for you to say- you got everything!
An (acidly)- I wonder why? Perhaps because she knew that I wasn’t being a kiss-arse to her my entire life just because I thought it’d mean I got everything once she died!
H (uneasily)- That’s enough. Look… the will is Walburga’s wishes and, even though I have no idea what I’m going to do with that stupid house-elf… we just have to take what we were given and thank her nonetheless.
C- Exactly! Shame on you, Regulus!
R (morosely)- To think rebelling would have been better in the end! God, I was so dumb!
An storms out of the office. S ad H follow her.
H- Anka…
A turns around and looks at them, then hugs them both.
A- I’m going to visit the Chateau. I’ll be back in a few days to pick up Cara for my week with her. Let Phin know if he asks, please?
H and S nod and An disapparates.
…
An arrives to the Chateau and the door is opened for her by a wizened old butler.
But (bowing)- Welcome, Mistress Anka.
An-
But- My condolences on your late grandmother. She was a very fine woman.
An sighs and hands him her cloak.
But- Will you be staying here for long?
An shakes her head
An- I think for about week… but I might come back here to reside permanently afterwards. I’m not sure yet.
But- Very well. I shall make your room ready for you immediately.
…
The next day, Anka walks around the town in search of a good coffee shop. She finds one near the beach and takes her cappuccino and sits down on the beach as she drinks it.
C- Anka?
An raises her eyebrows and turns around to see Claude.
An (surprised)- Umm…
An- It’s me- Claude. I thought I recognised you in the coffee shop back there
An’s eyes widen in shock.
An- Claude! Wow! I… How are you?
An is shocked at how good-looking Claude has become. Even more, she’s shocked that he is no longer a boy but a man.
C smiles and kisses her cheek as he sits next to her.
C- I am good. I’ve started a restaurant up on that corner over there.
An turns and looks to see a fancy little restaurant on the beach, a few hundred metres down the beach.
C- I know, how about you come for a late dinner tonight? Are you here with someone?
An looks down and crumbles some sand between her fingers.
An (quietly)- No. No, I’m here alone.
C beams.
C- Tres bien! Come at nine and I’ll have the
An clears her throat and goes to say that she can’t, but then sighs and smiles at him tightly.
An- Sounds wonderful.
C smiles at her, kisses her cheek and gets up.
C- And now, I must go to set up for lunch. Nine o’clock- don’t forget!
…
An comes down the stairs to be met by But
But (smiling at her)- Are you going out, Mistress?
An nods.
But- You look lovely. Have a pleasant evening, ma’am.
An hesitates, not sure if she should be going to meet Claude for dinner, but then smiles at But and leaves.
…
C- How about another bottle?
An laughs, feeling giddy and relaxed- the product of a bottle of wine.
An (smiling seductively)- Sure
C returns with a bottle of champagne. The cork flies off with a pop and An giggles. C kneels by her and pours it in her glass.
C (whispering in her ear)- You look very beautiful tonight, Anka.
An’s breath catches and she turns. They look into each others eyes and then C leans forward and kisses An.
An pulls away, looking dazed and C kisses her again and then goes over to his seat. An downs the champagne shakily.
An- I…I should get home soon.
C nods quietly and goes to get her seat.
They walk along the beach all the way back to the Chateau. An chews her lip as they reach the door.
C (quietly)- Good night, Anka. I had a wonderful evening tonight.
C leans forward and kisses her again. An touches his cheek lightly with the tips of her fingers as they kiss against the door. An breaks away, out of breath, and with a quiet smile, goes inside the house.
A/N: For those who have forgotten, Claude is the guy Anka marries in TGM. In VmM, she met him when she came to
Leave some love with a comment, please!
Much love, Anya
- Music:'Tie Me Up'- Dirty Stop Out
Od shakes her head and looks down.
Al (sighing)- Come here.
Al hugs Od to him and she sniffs.
Od- He’s really mad at me. He hasn’t spoken to me, but keeps having shouting matches with my mum. He thinks I’m not fit to be a mother in my condition.
Al (angrily)- What condition?
Od- In a wheelchair. He’s also angry because he says he’s spent the past few years of his life trying to find a cure for me, and my having kids might change my physiological build up.
Al purses his lips and Od looks up at him and kisses him.
Od- Please don’t be mad. I have enough angry people around me. I just want to be happy… because I am happy about this baby.
Al takes her hand and kisses it.
Al- I’m happy too.
Od bites her lip.
Od- But what will happen? We’re not even living together.
Al laughs and Od looks at him, startled.
Od- What could be so funny?
Al- Oh dear… I just realised- I haven’t asked you to marry me yet. Well, not since you last rejected the offer anyway.
Od furrows her brow.
Od (severely)- That must be one of the least romantic proposals I’ve ever heard of.
Al laughs.
Al- No, it’s not. Apparently after divorce number 21, my dad didn’t even ask. He just apparated mum to the church and they signed the paper. Apparently they didn’t even discuss it.
Od glares at Al.
Od- That wasn’t their first wedding, though. And I think I deserve better than that. I’m not planning on divorcing you at all.
Al grins and kisses Od who pushes him away.
Al- Oh c’mon. I’ll ask you properly.
Od- It’s gone. The moment’s ruined.
Al- Fucking Oscar Wilde. He’s given the women of this world too many ideas about proposals. Anyway. My dear, would you care to go out for dinner after the funeral today?
Od (scandalised)- This is your grandmother’s funeral! Surely you’re going to spend the rest of the day with your family.
Al shrugs.
Al- I hardly knew her. She always liked Anka better—thought she had more potential. And it’s not as though anyone cares.
Od (quietly)- Anka does. And she doesn’t really have anyone at the moment. I think you should spend some time with your sister.
Al- Oh, and when was the last time you had a quality chat with your brother, hm?
Od (irritably)- That’s different. He’s off in
Al- Language.
Od- Oh shut up. Anyway, I think we should go inside. The funeral’s about to start.
…
S and R are sitting together at the front of the church, with H and C on either side of them. The church is filled with the extended Black family.
Celebrant (C)- We are gathered here, to mourn the loss of Walburga Griselda Black
An walks into the church and sits in the back row. P and Cara are sitting near the front with the rest of the Marauders and their families.
The C says a few words and then invites Bellatrix to speak.
B- My aunt Walburga was a fine woman. One of good morals. She believed in the purity of the wizarding race (B glares at M and L) and the upholding of noble traditions….
B drones on about this for a while.
B- She was always very proud of Regulus. She would always speak of him as her ‘good son’
S looks up and B glares at him.
B (to S)- I don’t even know why you’re here. She was so ashamed of you that she blasted you off the family tree.
B (to everyone else)- But let us remember Walburga for her achievements, and the wonderful woman that she was.
H (whispering to S whose face is white and hands shaking from anger)- Don’t listen to her. We all know she’s a bitch. Now’s not the right time for a scene. I’ll beat her up for you outside afterwards if you like.
S’s lips twitch a little at this.
S- I’d like to see that.
H kisses his cheek and takes his hand.
H- Just ignore them all.
R goes up to speak and mainly talks about W’s life. Nothing personal.
C- Would anyone else care to say a few words about what Walburga meant to them?
After a few seconds, An stands up and walks to the front of the church.
An- I would.
An has lost a lot of weight. Her black dress is very loose on her and her skin has become very pale. Nonetheless, she looks very well presented.
An clears her throat and looks around at everyone else. C springs up and, despite P’s attempts to catch her, runs up to where An is.
C- Mummy!
An smiles sadly at C and hugs her. C stays next to An as An starts speaking.
An- My grandmother was…a formidable lady. She was not wholly wonderful, nor was she as perfect as you portrayed her to be, Aunt Bellatrix. In fact, she was very flawed.
Everyone sits in stunned silence.
An- She was a terrible mother to her sons. I’m sure you noticed that Uncle Regulus had nothing to say for her warmth and affection towards him, or her motherly qualities. Not to mention the fact that she all but kicked my father- her son- out of home at sixteen because he disagreed with something as trivial as the topic as ‘blood purity’.
An pauses and looks down at the lecturn.
An (quietly)- For so long growing up, I wanted to be my grandmother. I would go visit her and thought she was the most sophisticated woman in the world. She never displayed her true emotions in public, but was always completely in control…
But what did this achieve? An estranged son, one who did everything he could just to please her and… what? A bunch of relatives who don’t even know who she really was.
B goes to stand up but An shakes her head at her.
An- Aunt Bellatrix, you never knew the real person my grandmother was. No one did…
An sniffs.
An- She let me in, though. I would resent her at times, but she opened up to me. And that’s what I want to say about her today. I don’t want to talk about her achievements because—where are they now? How have they helped her?
And I don’t want to talk about her flaws, because everyone is flawed.
An swallows and hugs C to her side.
An- And, at the end of the day, family is what matters. Because, no matter what, they will always be there for you.
An smiles at her parents.
An- You see, whilst my grandmother all but kicked my father out, she later realised that she didn’t care about all the trivial things that she had lived her life by. She realised that he was her son and that was more important to her than anything else.
An- It wasn’t easy for her—and they never really got along very well—but, there’s one memory of her that I will never forget.
An- It was the last time I saw her- the weekend before she died. I was over at her place and she forced Kreacher out of the kitchen and said that we were going to bake together. I was surprised, because I had never seen her cooking in any way before.
An wipes a tear.
An- But she said she wanted to bake with her granddaughter—she was very happy that day. I didn’t know what had come over her. I thought that maybe she wanted to cheer me up because my life was falling to pieces.
An- So we went to the kitchen. She made us put our wands on the table and said we were going to cook properly. She said that there was something to be said for the muggle way of doing things—every little step was cherished. It wouldn’t be as simple as flicking our wands and the biscuit would be cut, but we would have to use our own hands—and love—into every single biscuit.
An sniffs.
An- And she really listened to me that day. She never said that she was feeling sick, or might be dying. She just asked me about my life and listened. She didn’t judge, didn’t tell me I had made mistakes, but hugged me and told me she loved me.
An then looks at S, tears streaming down her cheeks.
An- Dad, she told me that the best thing she ever did was come to our house that day and ask that you start afresh. She said that you always thought that she didn’t love you, but she did. She always did, but didn’t know how to talk to you—she said you were too different and headstrong for her to understand and, because of that, you two would always clash.
S stares at An, his face turning white.
An- But she also said that she admired you, and was so proud of you—because you had a mind of your own. She said that, as much as she disagreed with your views and opinions, she respected that you had them.
An wipes her eyes.
An- She loved you, dad. She wanted you to know, but I don’t think she ever knew how to tell you, so she told me.
An and S stare at each other and then An looks at everyone else.
An- So whatever you might think of my grandmother, I want you to know that she wasn’t a cold, perfect woman but a flawed, and loving one.
An then looks at the casket.
An (whispering)- Bye Gran. I’ll miss you.
An then kisses C and lifts her up and gives her back to P. She then walks out of the church.
S gets up and goes after her. He finds her sitting on the steps, crying, and goes up to her and hugs her.
S (kissing her cheek)- I love you. Don’t ever forget it.
An cries even harder and hugs him tightly.
An- I feel so lost, dad.
S- We’ve all felt that way, but somehow we find our way back again. Look at me—I’ve spent my entire thinking I was certain that I at least knew my mother, but now I have to rethink even that!
An laughs weakly and they separate. S tucks An’s hair behind her ear.
S- You’re a good girl. Good things come to those who are good.
An shakes her head.
An- I’m not good, dad. How can you say that? All the things I’ve done…
S cups her cheek.
S- No, ma petit cherie, that’s not bad. Getting pregnant a little young doesn’t make you bad. Feeling lost in life and doing things which you wouldn’t normally do isn’t bad either. Even your mother and I- at your age, we were lost. It was parties night after night, doing stupid things…
S- But that didn’t mean we were bad people. We loved each other, and our friends, and would do anything for them. At the end of the day, we had good hearts. And look what happened to us—we had two beautiful children who have given us so much happiness.
An sniffs.
An- I’ve done nothing but give you premature grey hairs.
S laughs.
S- Yes, but that’s not because you’re bad, but because you’re our kid. I know you. You have a lot of good in you, but you keep it locked in a lot of the time. At the end of the day, though, you have a good heart. You love your daughter—it was rocky, but anyone can see you love her—you love us, and… your husband.
An cries into her hands.
An- I’m so screwed up.
S pats her back.
S- No, Anka, you’re just mortal. Like the rest of us.
An looks up at S.
An- When will these good things come, then? I’m so tired of this! I just seem to be making mistake, after mistake and…
S smiles at her.
S- It’s already happening, Anka. You just don’t realise it.
An (incredulous)- Nothing good has happened.
S- Oh, but it has. If you think of this time last year, yes- you were married, but you could still not accept Cara. You loved her- as natural instincts would have you do- but you still couldn’t accept the fact that she existed. You looked at her and saw her as being something you had failed at.
An looks horrified at the thought.
S- You see- and now you’re disgusted to even think in that way. You love her, and you’ve realised that you’re a better person for having her in your life. You now finally understand what your mother and I meant when we always said ‘we would do anything for you kids’—because being a parent means that. You love your children so much that you would feel like you’d give your good hand just so they’ll stop crying, because seeing them in pain makes you feel their pain.
An quickly tried to wipe her eyes and S laughs and kisses the top of her head.
S- It’s okay, I won’t cut my arm off. I understand everyone needs to cry sometimes.
An (curiously)- You’ve never cried.
S looks away.
S- I have, but no one sees me.
An- No one?
S- Only your mother.
An sighs and leans her head on S’s shoulder.
An- I love you dad. I know sometimes I’ve behaved as though I don’t, but I do.
S hugs her to him.
S- It’s okay, kiddo. I know—I’ve always known.
…
Comments appreciated!
Much love,
Anya
H (surprised)- Regulus, Connie…kids! Wow! What are you doing here?
R (miserably)- Mum died last night.
H blinks in shock.
H- Walburga’s…dead?
C (tugging on An’s robes)- What’s going on? What’s going on?
S gets up from the arm chair he’s been sitting in and takes C up in his arms.
S- Do you want an ice cream?
C beams happily and S carries her out of the house. H bites her lip as she watches him leave.
An (raspily)- H…how?
R (heavily)- She was old. There appears to be no real reason other than old age.
An nods numbly, walks up to them and kisses them all on the cheek.
An (quietly)- Excuse me.
H looks at the others, not sure what to do.
H- Would you like tea?
R shakes his head.
R- We just came by to tell you the news. I’ll stop by tonight, probably, to arrange the funeral with Sirius.
H nods.
H- Can I be introduced to my nieces before you all leave, then?
C smiles and goes and hugs H.
C- Long time no see. This, over here, is Wally
H smiles at the 5 year old boy.
C- And this is Jane. She’s four.
H kisses them both.
H- Hello. I’m your Aunt Helen.
Wal and Jane smile at H.
R- Right, well, all you lot get in the car now. We need to go to the Lestranges.
They all leave, but R stays back. H hugs him.
H- I’m sorry.
R shrugs.
R- Ah, she lived a long life. I think she was ready to go.
H nods.
R- Was that Cara? Blimey, she’s grown a lot since the christening.
H- Yeah, that was Cara.
R- We’ll have to have a proper get-together after this is all sorted. It’s been far too long.
H- It really has. You and Connie just took off on us!
R- I know, but we had to go look after Connie’s parents who were living all the way in
H nods and R sighs and kisses her cheek.
R- Ah, well, I’d better not keep them waiting any more. Tell Sirius I’ll drop by tonight
H walks R out of the house.
…
An walks through
An (whispering)- I can’t believe you’ve gone.
But there is no one in the house as she walks throughout the house and up to W’s bedroom.
An slumps in W’s armchair.
An- You never gave me any warning. Why did you just leave me like that? I never got to say goodbye.
There is still silence and An starts sobbing in her hands.
An- Why now? I wanted to talk to you! I need you! You always helped me more than anyone else- you always had the answers. I’m too screwed up. I need you! Why have you gone!
An breaks down even more and goes to W’s bed and lies down on it, crying.
…
S returns half an hour later. He is pale and H can tell that he’s very shaken by the news of his mother’s death.
S- Where’s Anka? Cara wants her?
C- Mummy! Where’s mummy?
H- She’s…I don’t know. ANKA!
But there is no response.
H (shrugging)- She must have gone somewhere. Shall I drop Cara off at Phin’s? He was due to have Cara after we came back anyway.
S shakes his head.
S- No, let her stay.
H nods and watches S carefully, but S avoids her eyes.
S (leaving the room)- I’m going to take a shower.
….
P, by default, finds out about W anyway and drops by the Black household.
P (to H)- I’m sorry. I just heard.
H shrugs.
H- She never liked me much.
P- How’s Sirius and… Anka?
H sighs.
H- I don’t know. Anka sort of disappeared as soon as she heard the news, and I think Sirius is drowning himself in the shower.
P (sighing)- Sorry. I mean, she never liked me much either, but they both loved her so…
H nods.
P- Shall I take Cara, then?
H- Sirius wanted her to stay, but I think it might be easier if you take her until after the funeral at least. I’m expecting Walburga’s one to be the event of the year.
They both smile a little, knowing this to be true.
P- Okay, I’ll take my little princess home then.
C beams at P and hugs him.
C- But where is mummy? Mummy has to come home as well!
Both P and H shift uncomfortably. H knows it’s not her place to say anything, and P is uncomfortable because H is An’s mum.
P- Mummy might come by later.
H (sharply)- Is that true?
P sighs exasperatedly.
P- I don’t know.
H- You’re entitled to separate from Anka- if that’s what you want- but I would ask that you don’t have this uncertain ‘on-off’ relationship with her. She has enough to deal with at the moment.
P says nothing.
H (gently)- It’s not my place, but sometimes forgiving and forgetting is the best thing. Especially if you find you can’t move on.
P avoids H’s eyes
H (sighing)- I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to see her as she is now—you have every right to be upset with her, though, so I understand. You know, Anka’s a lot like Walburga.
P- The bitchyness?
H laughs.
H- Oh that, for sure. She has Walburga’s way of thinking as well— a bit selfish, a bit melodramatic, a flair for causing trouble, but also very proud and stubborn. They even look similar.
P- I always thought that Anka looked more like you.
H shrugs.
H- She has a lot of my shortcomings as well- and good qualities, I might add. I think Anka’s growing up, a bit. I had to do some growing up at around her age as well. The only difference between us is that I accepted a lot of things, whereas she- like Walburga would have- tried to fight against things happening in her life which didn’t go her way. You see, I got pregnant and Sirius and I realised we had to clean up our acts—and we just did. But we were different still because we only had each other to depend on. Walburga and Anka, though- they both always had money and family support.
P- So Anka gets pregnant and can’t ever deal with it.
H- Exactly. Because it didn’t happen her way.
P- Yeah, I know.
H sighs and runs a hand through her hair.
H- I think she’s slowly learning. Or will, one day.
H shrugs and looks to P
H- Anyway. I think you’d better get going. I have to go see that Sirius is still alive up there.
P nods.
P- Thanks Helen. Say bye to Grandma Helen, Cara.
C hugs H’s leg tightly.
C- Bye Grandma!
H smacks a kiss on C’s cheek.
H- Goodbye my darling.
….
H walks in the bathroom and sees S lying in the bath, pinching the bridge of his nose.
H dips her fingers in the water and quickly pulls out the plug when she feels that the water is cold. S opens his eyes.
S (quietly)- Why did you do that?
H- It’s not good to lie in cold water. How long has it been cold for?
S shrugs and closes his eyes again. H sighs and kisses his forehead.
H- I’m sorry, Sirius. Please get out of the bath, though. You’ll get sick.
S reluctantly gets up and H puts a bathrobe on him and rubs a towel over his hair.
S pushes H’s arms out of the way and pulls her to him and kisses her. H is surprised at his urgency in the kiss.
S then stops and rests his forehead against H’s, his eyes tightly shut.
H kisses him and strokes his cheek.
H- It’s okay to be upset. She was your mother.
S shakes his head and leaves and goes to their bedroom. H follows him.
S (angrily)- She wasn’t a mother.
H- Sirius…
S- No! She never- not once- treated me like a true mother should. You- my wife- have been more of a mother to me in my life than that bitch ever was.
H watches S sadly and sits on the end of their bed. She lets him continue, thinking it would be healthiest for him to get it all out.
S- I hate her. I’ve hated her my entire life and she died without even asking for forgiveness just to spite me. The bitch. She never, not once, saw anything wrong with her cold, unfeeling…
S trails off and sits on the bed next to H, looking furious
S- And now she’s gone off and died just to spite me
H (taking S’s hand and kissing his cheek)- Mon cheri, you know I never loved the woman, but I don’t think she did it to spite you.
S’s turn to grey stone.
H (gently)- And, despite everything, I think she did love you in her own way. I think she just had problems with expressing her emotions.
S- Bitch.
H kisses S sweetly.
H- Don’t say that. You’ll regret it.
S (mutinously)- I won’t.
H shakes her head at him.
H- I know you. In your own way, you’ll forgive her. Now, Regulus said that he was going to stop by tonight to discuss funeral arrangements with you. Until then, I suggest you get some sleep.
S (quietly)- Stay.
H smiles at him and they lie down.
S (musing)- Alphie’s going to have a kid.
H (kissing him)- I know.
S- It’s sort of like… mum left, but we get a new person… so it all balances out.
H- That’s a nice way of looking at it.
S (harshly)- Hopefully their kid won’t be anything like her..
H sighs patiently.
H- Ok. We can discuss this later. Sleep, now.
S hugs H to him and H kisses his forehead and they lie in silence for the rest of the afternoon.
...
So I finished editing SG a lot quicker than I anticipated. Posts really will be much slower these days though because, as exciting as this whole publishing/writing business is, I also don't want to have to repeat 2nd year med. That would neither be exciting nor fun.
Anyway, next post shall be the funeral + reading of W's will.
<3
An is miserable as she walks along the beach with C, who keeps giving her broken sea shells to carry for ‘daddy’.
An- Come on Cara. Time to leave.
C pouts.
C- But I want more sea shells!
An- Go with Grandma Helen later. We have to go back now.
C’s bottom lip quivers and An, not waiting for C’s tantrum to start, scoops her up and carries her back to the tent.
C shoots An a sulky look and goes to the corner of the tent and takes out her ‘Malkin’s Wardrobe’ dolls.
An (interrupting H, Ha, L and M’s talk)- I need to leave.
H- You’re staying.
An shakes her head.
An (becoming teary)- No. I need to leave right now. I need to go find my husband, and sort things out with him.
The women look undecided.
An- Please! I’ll come back tomorrow if I must, I just… I need to see him.
H sighs and flicks her hand.
H- Okay. Of you go. Good luck.
An stares at H in disbelief.
An- You can remove the anti-apparition charm by a mere ‘flick’ of your hand?
H smiles sweetly.
H- I’m wonderful, aren’t I?
Ha rolls her eyes.
Ha (laughing)- There was never an anti-apparition charm on this beach. That would be illegal.
An glares at her mother who looks sheepish.
An (her lips twitching)- You’re all liars. The lot of you. Okay then… see you!
…
An apparates to her and P’s apartment. She runs through the apartment and then comes upon P’s study where he is writing an essay for his final exams.
An- Phin!
P stands up suddenly.
P- Anka, what are you doing here?
An- We need to talk.
P- Cara! Is she okay…
An- She’s fine. It’s just…
P- But…
An (losing it)- Just shut up!
P stops talking abruptly.
An (apologetically)- Sorry. I… I’d like to talk with you. Nothing’s wrong, I just…
An pauses and rubs her temples.
An- No, that’s a lie. We’re wrong…I’m especially wrong… a lot is wrong with our lives.
P sighs and sits down at the table.
P- Anka. You know I love you and always will. I can’t ever switch that off, I don’t think—I’ve loved you for too long.
An sits down next to P and takes his hand.
P- But there’s Cara to think about. I don’t want her growing up in a family where her parents are either fighting or miserable, and her mother is unstable because of it.
An shakes her head.
An- No, but…
P- Just listen to me- for once.
An bites her lip.
P- Look, I know you never asked for all this. I know it was never in your ‘life plan’ to get pregnant and married so soon… I know all that. The thing is, however, you need to understand that- no matter how much you didn’t want it all- that is exactly how your life turned out and you have to accept it and move on.
An says nothing.
P- I want to help you, but you won’t let me. Instead, you push me away and then… I find you having strange sex encounters with
An interrupts- That wasn’t planned. That was a drunken mistake…
P- You still did it. And the thing that gets me is that you never seem to care enough about me, in all of this. You never question, once, how I might feel about this entire situation- how happy I am.
An hangs her head.
P- As much as I love you, I don’t want you hurting me any more.
An nods slowly.
An (numbly)- So… that’s it, then?
P says nothing and An looks up at him. They both look miserable. An, before she can stop herself, kisses P, and he doesn’t stop her.
…
When it is over, they both stare at the ceiling in silence. It starts raining heavily outside and An shivers, but doesn’t cuddle up to P as she usually does when there is a thunder storm.
An (getting up)- I should get going. I was meant to be back already.
An hurriedly gets dressed. P sits up and watches her.
An (tearily)- Okay then. I’ll…
P (sighing)- Anka, don’t…
An shakes her head.
An- No, it’s okay. It’s… I understand.
An comes up to him and kisses his cheek. A tear of hers drops onto his cheek as she does so.
An- Bye.
And with that, she disapparates back to the tent.
H is alone in the tent with C.
H (smiling)- You were gone for a while. How did it go?
H’s smile falters as she sees An’s expression. An shakes her head and H hugs her quickly.
An (sobbing into her mum’s shoulder)- It’s o…over…
H takes a sharp intake of breath and hugs An to her all the more tightly.
C (frowning)- Don’t cry mummy. Why are you crying?
An separates from H and hugs C tightly. She then kisses C on the cheek and hugs her again.
An- I love you so much. I hope you know that.
C smiles and puts her palms on An’s cheeks, wiping away the tears.
C- I love you too, mummy. Why are you crying?
An shakes her head and kisses C’s nose.
An- Because it’s raining outside and we can’t collect any more sea shells.
C waves a hand flippantly.
C- There will be more tomorrow, mummy. Don’t worry.
An can’t help laughing and draws C onto her lap, hugging her.
C (brightly)- Mummy, can you read me a story?
An smiles softly.
An- Sure. Which one?
C- I want Robin Hood.
An smiles at C, smacks one more kiss on her cheek, and gets the book out and starts reading it to C.
…
A few hours later, L, M and Ha come in the tent. H is reading a book in one corner, and in another C and An are sleeping, C still on An’s lap and hugging her.
L puts a hand to her heart and smiles.
L- Oh, that’s adorable. Who has a camera? I want a picture of that…
H presses a finger to her lips and the others whisper as they come in the tent.
Ha (whispering)- Is Odette back yet? I think I need to speak to her.
H nods gravely.
H- You definitely do. But no, she’s still away.
Ha frowns.
Ha- I hope Severus hasn’t killed Alphard…. Or Odette, for that matter.
H’s eyes widen.
H and Ha suddenly get up.
Ha- We’ll be back in a bit.
Ha and H leave the tent, and a crack is heard from outside as they both disapparate.
…
Od is crying, Al is groaning behind S, J and R who are protecting him from the made wrath of Snape and Oliver.
Od (weakly)- Please, dad…
Sn rounds on Od, his eyes practically popping out of his head.
Sn- He defiled my daughter! I shall smite him for this…
R (carefully)- Look, Severus, you really…
H and Ha suddenly apparate into the room.
Ha (shouting)- Severus, you leave that boy alone!
Everyone looks to Ha and H in shock.
Od (hopefully)- M…mum?
Ha smiles sadly and goes to Od and kisses her.
Ha- I’m so sorry, darling. I know I took the news very badly. It’s just… I still see you as my innocent little girl! The thought that you might be having a child of your own is so… well, it’s just a very hard concept for me to accept.
H pushes through the men to see Al, with a mere scratch on his cheek.
H (annoyed)- All this moaning and groaning and you only have a scratch! Get up, you sad excuse for a man.
Al- Mum!
H- Honestly! Your wife will have to go through childbirth in eight months and you’re lying here complaining about a scratch on your cheek!
Al pouts, looking hurt at his mother’s lack of concern for his wellbeing.
Al (muttering)- If you're from any part of Greece, it's definitely Sparta.
Od, meanwhile, starts crying (as does Ha) and they hug each other tightly.
Sn disapparates.
Od (sadly)- Dad can’t look at me anymore.
Ha smoothes Od’s hair.
Ha- I’ll talk to him.
Od- But…
Ha- Look, he’ll find it very hard to understand. Just… know it’s because he loves you, but doesn’t know the right way to show it.
Od bows her head and Ha kisses her forehead.
Ha- I’ll go see to him now. (to everyone else)- I think we should cancel this trip. It’s sort of come up at a bad time
Everyone nods vehemently.
H (sighing)- Okay then. I’ll go tell the good news to Lily and Anka.
H disapparates, as Ha.
There is suddenly a knocking on the door and S sighs and goes to answer it.
S (surprised)- Regulus! Connie! Many kids I’ve never seen before who are probably my nieces and nephews!
R (pale)- Mum’s dead.
A/N: So there really isn’t that much time left with these characters. It’s really depressing me a lot, so I’m going to bring all of them back to tie up all the loose ends before this finishes.
We still have two months but… oh my Lord, I’ve been writing Helen and Sirius for almost three years now! This is going to be extremely hard. Then again, I’ll be twenty next year, so perhaps it’s a good thing that I should let go of my favourite couple as I leave my teenage years behind me :(
Now, I’m focusing on editing Stained Glass for the next two weeks so I can give it to my new editor… which means that updates on both this and WbaP are going to be scarce during that time. I’ll see what I can do, but exams are coming up for uni as well so… forgive me if you don’t get anything new from me in a short while!
- Music:'Jarusalem'- Anuna
Od sighs
Od- I can’t. That would be too many people. Plus, I have to tell Alphie.
An- He’s my brother! Excellent!
Od- Look, you should stay here and look after Cara.
An looks desperate.
An- I want to go back. I hate camping out, and I want to try go home.
He- Perhaps you should get permission from the mothers. We’ve already gotten it.
An tugs at her hair.
An- What am I, six? I should be able to go. I’m going.
Od giggles.
An (annoyed)- What?
Od- Well, Aunt Helen has put an anti-apparition charm… and only those who have this special charm which she had put on them can leave.
An purses her lips
An- That’s ridiculous… damn my mother for being part-goddess. I’m only a quarter! Why couldn’t she find a husband who was also part-god so I could undo anti-apparition charms?
Od and He shrug.
Od (to He)- We need to go.
He- Right. Let’s go.
Both Od and He apparate, leaving An alone with the older women.
An (annoyed)- Fuck!
C (from behind An)- What is ‘fack’ mummy?
An chews her lip- Erm….
….
Od and He arrive at St Mungo’s.
Od (nervously)- Okay. We have an hour before my appointment.
He (in disbelief)- Aren’t you going to tell Alphie? Maybe he wants to come to the appointment with you.
Od suddenly clutches at He.
Od (desperately)- I don’t care if my mum doesn’t like it- what if he doesn’t want the child? What if he hates me for becoming pregnant? I won’t be able to take it if he rejects me…
He hugs Od.
He- I know Alphie- as do you- but I know him purely as a friend. He most definitely won’t reject you. He’ll be happy for you.
Od hangs her head.
He (reassuringly)- Come on. Let’s go tell him the good news.
…
Al stares at them.
J- You’re preggers?
He hits her dad.
He- Dad! How can you be so insensitive!
Od (tearfully)- Alphie, please say something.
Al- I…
Al blinks, looking stunned.
Al- I…
He hits Al.
He- Say something! What are you- stupid?
Al shoots He a dirty look.
S (faintly)- Wow, another grandkid…well, welcome to the family…er…even more to the family, I should say.
Od smiles weakly.
Od- Thanks, Uncle Sirius.
J- That’s a bit weird, you calling him ‘Uncle Sirius.’
S- With all the inbreeding in my family, it’d be weird if she didn’t call me that.
R- Congratulations, Odette.
Od (still staring at Al)- Alphie!
Al- Um… I just…don’t know what to say!
J (muttering)- How about ‘good bye’ to life. You just knocked up Snape’s little girl.
Al pales and Od shoots J an annoyed look.
Od- Can we please be alone?
S & R drag J away, and He goes with them.
Od- Please say something.
Al then smiles and kisses her. Od bursts into tears.
Al- Don’t be like that. It’ll all be fine.
Od- I just…was….so….scared…you’d…hate….me
Al- Hate you? Whatever for? You’re the mother of our child!
Od pales as she realises what Al just said.
Od- Child? Me? Oh my God! Get it out! I’ll be terrible! I can’t be a mother!
Al shakes his head at Od and kisses her again.
…
He waits around the hallway and, suddenly, Sn, Ol and X burst through the door.
Sn (angrily)- Where is he? I’ll kill that boy. I’ll kill him.
Ol (to He)- Is it true?
He nods, avoiding X.
Both Sn and Ol run to the living room where Od starts shrieking for them to ‘leave Alphie alone’.
X and He look at each other awkwardly.
X (eventually)- Uh…hi
He (dully)- Hi
They stand in silence for a while longer. Meanwhile, Al is chased out of the house by the two Snape men and Od continues to shout. (S and J are watching the spectacle on the roof with a Butterbeer, laughing. R is chasing Sn, trying to get him to calm down).
X- So… how’s the trip?
He (miserably)- Fine.
X nods slowly.
X- So Odie’s pregnant, then?
He nods.
He- So it would seem.
X and He both look at the ground.
He (eventually)- I think I’d better…try…saving Alphie.
X nods slowly.
X- Yeah, I should probably save Oliver.
He- Hmm.
X and He stare at each other and suddenly they both crumble.
X + He at once- I’m sorry
They stare at each other.
X- I’m sorry I was a prat to you. I know you get down at times and should have…
He- I’m SO sorry. I just lost it that day and went out of control. You have no idea how guilty I felt afterwards. I just wanted to…
X suddenly grabs He and kisses her.
Five minutes later, they separate for air.
X- Do you have to go back on that stupid trip?
He- Unfortunately.
X nods- Right.
X kisses He again and they stumble through the house into the living room. They don’t even seem to care that their parents + uncles are in very close proximity as they fall on the couch and start tearing at each others’ jeans.
He (moaning)- Hurry up…
X finally pulls down He’s jeans and they both sigh as X enters He.
He (smiling)- I’ve definitely missed this.
X (swallowing)- Tell me about it.
It is a very intense- albeit short-lived encounter. Nonetheless, they are both very satisfied once it’s over.
He (hugging X)- I really am sorry. I’m not a very predictable person.
X says nothing, but kisses the top of her head.
X- Want to go for a walk? I think there’s a few things we need to talk about… and I don’t think Odie will be going back for a while, the way the Snapes have taken her pregnancy.
He nods.
…
He- Beach again? I just came from the beach!
They both sit down on the sand.
X- So what do you want out of life,
He frowns and X nudges her.
X- You know, I personally think you should think about going back into acting.
He looks surprised.
He- Acting!
X nods.
X- Yeah. I think you were really good at it and, before a few other issues sprang up, you seemed really happy doing it. I think you’re the type of person who needs to really be appreciated for her talents and, with acting, I think you can get that.
He looks thoughtful.
He (sighing)- I do miss it.
X- Well what’s been stopping you?
He sighs.
He- It’s just been so long since I last did it… and I feel like my life is still so confused!
X shakes his head.
X- But that’s just it- you can’t keep waiting for your life to ‘magically’ fix itself. Sometimes, you just need to take a chance and just do things, even though you mightn’t feel that you’re ready for them.
He swallows.
He- I don’t know if I can go back, though.
X- Of course you can- everyone loved you. I bet they’d do anything to have you back!
He sighs.
He- But I can’t be in such spotlight when I’m feeling unstable.
X takes her hand and kisses it.
X- We’ll get help for you- and plus, everyone is going to be more supportive for you from now on. Especially me.
He stares at X and then hugs him tightly.
He- I love you.
They separate and X, although surprised to hear it from He for the first time, can’t help smiling, because he knows it’s true.
X- I love you too.
He sighs.
He- I wish you could come up to the beach with us. It’d be so much more interesting if it wasn’t ‘girls only’.
X smiles.
X- On the upside… we’ll be having a very busy weekend when you return…
He rolls her eyes and kisses him again.
He (between kisses)- I think we have time for one more…
They both lie back on the sand.
….
Next post: “Anka. You know I love you and always will. I can’t ever switch that off, I don’t think—I’ve loved you for too long.” – Phineus to Anka
Love Anya
- Music:'Let Go'- Frou Frou
An- No way.
He- No chance
L- You are coming at that is that
H (sternly)- Sirius and I didn’t return from our vacation for nothing. Now, the both of you get up and pack your bags. NOW!
An and He jump up suddenly, shocked at H’s tone, and saunter off to pack their bags, muttering under their breaths.
Od (brightly)- My mum’s coming with Auntie Marina in a few minutes. They’re picking up Cara on their way.
H sighs.
H- That girl- I cannot believe that she and Phin are taking a break.
Od- Well, Anka did…
Od clears her throat and reddens as she realises that none of the mothers know about
H (slowly)- Anka did what, exactly?
Od- Oh, um, nothing, nothing… I’ll just… check…
Od scurries away quickly.
H and L look at each other gravely and then go to where He and An are packing their bags.
H (severely)- What did you do to make Phin want to ‘take a break’ from you?
An pales.
An- Wh…what?
H- That man loves you and has loved you through all the hard times in your life- what did you do, Anka, to wreck that?
Both H and An’s noses twitch and they start tearing up.
H (confused)- Um…
L- Helena, honey, what’s going on with you?
He and An shake their heads.
He- We’re such idiots
An- I know.
H (struggling to comprehend)- Was it something that the both of you did together?
Their eyes widen.
He- Who told you?
H (confused)- Told us… what?
An and He shake their heads vehemently and Od sidles into the room guiltily.
An- Odie can tell you. I can’t say it.
An leaves quickly, and He follows quickly.
Both H and L round on Od who looks like a rabbit in the headlights.
Od- Uh, I’ll just…
L- Look, Odette, just tell us. It’s better to have this out than in.
…..
H and L are still stunned as they wait at the portkey terminal. He and Od have been avoiding them, An has been tending to Cara, and Ha and M have left for coffee.
H (numbly)- Our daughters are lesbians?
L- Together?
H- Or do these things just happen as one-offs?
L- Maybe. Still… once they’ve gone there, they can’t come back.
H (pained)- I know… and poor Phineus! I really liked that boy very much.
L (nodding)- Yes. He was perfect for Anka- and such a good father to Cara!
H- That girl…
L pats H’s knees
L- Okay, let’s just try being rational. Hopefully, with this trip, we’ll be able to finally knock some perspective into our daughters and set them straight.
H (grimly)- I can only hope so.
…
M (brightly)- Well! This place is lovely.
H (disgusted)- The original hotel Sirius found for us in
L (sighing)- The pictures in the magazine looked much better.
H- Well they lied.
Ha- Well what do you suggest we do? Surely we can just use a few cleaning charms.
A burst through the door.
A- There is no way that we’re staying here. I refuse to allow Cara to sleep in such a dump.
Od wheels herself in
Od- I won’t be able to shower in this place.
They all look at each other.
….
He (shivering)- How is camping out in a tent better than that hotel?
L (brightly)- We’re returning to nature. We’re toughing it out to learn a few important life lessons.
Od (glumly)- I still don’t see how this is anymore wheel-chair friendly.
Ha- You’ll survive.
M- Yes. I haven’t been camping before!
H (brooding)- Hmm
A- What’s wrong, mum?
H catches L’s warning glare and forces a smile.
H- Nothing! It’s lovely here!
C (loudly)- Lovely my arse.
Everyone stares at C.
An (shocked)- Cara! Where did you learn such language!
C- From you, mummy. You just said that when we came here!
An turns bright red and then, suddenly, Od starts giggling.
An- Oh sure. Laugh at my failure as a mother as well. At least I’m good for something.
H starts laughing as well.
H- I remember the time that
L laughs.
L- I know. I nearly killed James…
M- But in the end it was you who was the chronically foul-mouthed one in the family.
L laughs and Ha promptly sets up the boiler and brings out a pack of marshmallows.
He (groaning)- This is unbelievably clichéd.
L (lightly)- Sometimes, my darling child, cliché is nice.
He says nothing but accepts the tea from M, who is a little awkward around He.
He- Thanks, Aunt
M- No worries.
An (bored)- Look. We all know why we’re here, so why don’t we stop pretending to be nice to each other and just get everything out.
H (frustrated)- Why are you so difficult?
An- Because I can’t take this false politeness. Aunt Marina, we all know that you’re weird around
M blinks, shocked.
An (continues)- Aunt Lily, I know you’re weird about me and Helena because you think we’re lesbians but, really, the main issue here is that Helena has depression and nothing- no boy, no week trip away is going to fix that. She needs proper medical help.
Everyone is silent at this and An looks down, realising that her outburst may have been out of order.
H (quietly)- And what about you, my darling? What do you need?
An looks down.
An (quietly)- I want to go home. I’ve made a few mistakes and I don’t think that coming away for a week is going to help fix them.
M (kindly)- Well the thing is, Anka, we all think that we need this week to get in touch with ourselves. Otherwise, we’ll all just be prone to slipping up again. (turning to He)- And I’m not angry at you, dear, for whatever happened between yourself and Xavier. That’s your business. I know relationships aren’t smooth and Merlin knows I’ve made enough mistakes in my own relationships…
Od (clearing her throat)- It was my idea for us to go away, and it would really mean a lot to me if you could both just stay here and give it a try. Men complicate things a lot of the time and I think just one week of no complications would be very beneficial to us all.
M (suddenly)- Odie, are you pregnant?
M’s eyes widen as she realises that she just said this aloud.
M (whispering)- Sorry, I thought I whispered it.
Ha (in disbelief)- WHAT! Odie, we brought you up with strong Christian values! You said that you would wait until marriage…
Od (her lips trembling)- But I love him, mum. So much, that waiting for a silly ceremony seemed so trivial. (Od then looks to H)- Sorry, Aunt Helen. I know you don’t want to hear things about your son, but I really do love him. He’s been one of the best things that ever happened to me.
H looks faint.
H (weakly)- Another grand-child?
Od (suddenly, to M)- How did you figure it out?
M- Honey, I’m a maternity healer. I do this for a living.
Od smiles weakly and M and L go and hug her. C then runs up to Od and hugs her (she doesn’t quite understand why everyone is hugging C, but just copies everyone anyway).
Od breaks down as she hugs C tightly.
An (dazed)- Shit. Everyone was surprised when I got knocked up… but I never was expecting you!
An then grins and goes over and hugs Od.
An- You’re housing my brother’s spawn in there. It’s weird for me to congratulate you for that… but congratulations anyway…. Oh, and have a C-section. Giving birth is painful as hell.
Od’s eyes widen in shock and An, L and M laugh.
He quickly gets up and hugs Od. She has tears in her eyes.
He- You too! Now I’m the only one who doesn’t have a kid on the way…
L (quietly)- That’s not a bad thing, darling…
He (tearfully hugging Od)- Congratulations!
Od- I haven’t told Alphie yet, but I think we’d both want you as the godmother.
He doesn’t know what to say and just hugs Od again.
H (to Ha)- Welcome to the grandmother’s club.
H then goes to Od and kisses her.
H- I couldn’t ask for a better daughter-in-law. I swear I won’t be like Walburga.
Od laughs but then looks to her mum who can’t look at her.
He (angrily)- How can you behave in such a way to your own daughter? Everyone knows that your son is fucking some French whore, and yet you do anything for him- just so long as he turns up to your Friday Family dinners! Your daughter, on the other hand, is starting a family with one of the best boys she every could have found to love her, and you can’t even look at her?
Od (quietly)- It’s okay,
He (angrily)- No, I’m tired of this. We’re all adults here, and I’m sick of us being treated like we’re little kids. All of us in this tent- excluding Cara- have had sex. We’ve all experimented with things we shouldn’t have, and we’ve all made mistakes.
He glares at them all.
He- But the thing is, we’re all still here. Sometimes barely, but we’re still here- and do you know why? It’s because we’ve always had that unconditional support system for each other, no matter what. Do you honestly think that we don’t know in ourselves when we’ve done something wrong? Well let me enlighten you- we do know. We know so much, sometimes, that it makes us sick to the stomach and makes us want to kill ourselves… but when you have people around you who care too much to allow you to go that way, then you get back on your feet and start surviving again.
They all stare at He in shock and He then shakes her head and leaves the tent.
An quickly goes to get up but H pulls her down.
H- No offence, but your methods of consolation mightn’t be what’s best for her now.
An looks hurt, but also sees H’s point.
Od quickly leaves the tent and goes after He who is sitting on the pier.
Od (quietly)- Hey.
He (sniffing)- I’m s…sorry. I… I don’t k…know w…why….
Od lowers herself from the wheelchair and hugs He tightly.
Od (whispering)- It’s okay. It’ll be okay,
He (crying)- I’m so selfish! I just took your baby news away from you!
Od- No, you didn’t. My mother did. You were right- it’s just that none of us have ever said it.
He- I don’t understand why I always get so sad.
Od- I have to go back tomorrow for a few hours or so to get checked- and also tell Alphie the news. Would you like to come with me? I think I know someone who might be able to help you.
He- But what about this week away?
Od- It was an ambitious dream to begin with. Now that news of my pregnancy is out, I’m not sure how well it’ll last. Either way, Alphie deserves to know.
A/N: I think I'm going to get sick of writing one of these days. I need a break from looking at Stained Glass which was hopelessly edited by my editor from the start of the year..... Long/short, I need another editor now- one who actually understands that there is more to the English language and writing than forming sentences which are grammatically perfect. Honestly! He just chopped everything up and there's no flow to it at all. Furthermore, he got rid of VITAL sentences for the plot and tried to justify it as being 'artistic'. Grrr.
Stupid retard....and he only told me that he didn't have experience in fiction when he Finished editing my story. But, really, I'm the idiot who didn't ask all these things in the first place and hired him because he was a friend of my dad's.... but for the price he charged, I should have a beautifully edited and perfect book.
Now I'm trying to undo his crap-ness and am highly stressed.
*Ookay. Deep breaths*
Please comment??? Make my day. I promise I won't vent in my responses!
Love Anya
- Music:No You Girls- Franz Ferdinand
Anka
An is sitting in a chair, her eyes closed as the sun comes in through the window. Its warmth is very comforting and she sits like this for a while, until she hears raspy coughing. She opens her eyes to see that He is rousing.
He (groaning)- Fuck, my head…
He rubs her eyes and looks around the room, confused.
He- Where…
An (drily)- You’re at my parents’ house. I found you lying in your own vomit. You’re lucky I knew what to do or else they’d have locked you up in the psych ward at St Mungo’s.
He stares at An as she remembers.
He- Oh my God… I’m so sorry… Anka, I…
An smiles wearily and holds up a hand.
An- I’m just as much to blame, don’t worry.
He- But…
An- It’s not your fault. Phin and I have been having problems lately anyway.
He- What?
An (sadly)- We’re taking a break.
He pales and An forces a smile.
An- I’ll go get you something to eat. You must be hungry after taking all those purging potions I gave you.
An gets up and leaves the room quickly, wiping her teary eyes.
An (taking deep breaths)- Don’t break down. You can’t. Stay in control… stay…oh fuck!
An drops a plate accidentally and it falls on her foot, cutting her.
An (crying, as she bends to pick up the pieces)- Fuck, fuck…fuck!
Al walks in the room and sees his sister bleeding, and crying.
Al- Anka, what happened?
An (sobbing)- I…I…
Al flicks his wand and cleans up the mess. He then gets a tea towel and holds it to Anka’s bleeding foot.
Al- There. All fine.
An starts crying even harder and Al hugs her to him.
Al- Hey, come on, don’t be like that…
An- My life’s so fucked. It was always fucked. How did you manage to get through life so smoothly? I’m…nothing!
Al- Hey, don’t say that!
An (angily)- Look at me, Alphie! I’m getting fucking divorced, my husband and child have left me, I have no qualifications, no…nothing! I’m a loser!
Al is quiet.
Al- You have people who love you. The rest can be mended.
An starts crying again.
An- I need to be mended! I’ve needed to be mended for so long and yet here I am- the same fucked up girl I’ve always been.
Al kisses her forehead.
Al- Okay. How about a sleeping draught and hot water bottle? I think you need some rest.
An cries even harder at this.
….
After another day of this, Al is going out of his mind and holds a meeting with the rest of the kids.
Al (exasperatedly)- Xavier, I’m sure if you just talk to
X (irritably)- She went and screwed both your sister, and Fred Weasley, so you’ll excuse me if I don’t want to see her at the moment.
Al- Look, she’s confused!
X- If Odie did that to you, I’m sure you’d be singing a different tune.
Al tugs at his hair.
Od (fairly)- I think Helena and Anka both need a break from everything.
Al- Anka has a kid. She doesn’t want a break.
Od- Well, I’m just thinking…
Al- Yes?
Od- What if all the women in our ‘family’ took a holiday for a week. That includes Cara.
Al- That would work- except for the fact that my parents are away.
Od- Can’t you contact them?
Al- But they’ve waited for this for so long!
Od (tartly)- Alphie, this is their daughter and god-daughter we’re talking about. Of course they’ll come back. Anyway, it’s just taking a break from their holiday to go on another holiday!
Ol- I think it sounds like a good idea.
X (rolling his eyes)- Well, your opinion is questionable.
Ol (annoyed)- Maybe you’re the reason
X scowls and Al hastily interjects.
Al- I think Odie’s idea is excellent. I’ll contact my parents right away.
A/N: Not my best posting- it’s sort of a filler one- but the next one shall be fun because it’s the women’s road trip :)
Wow, I’ve been productive this weekend! I’ve updated this, my A-V LJ, AND Witchcraft by a Picture… everyone go and review them all!
Love Anya
p.s. Tonya, I saw all your reviews for my sister’s fanfiction. She has 16 and almost half of them are from you!
- Music:'Sleepyhead'- Passion Pit
Helena
X wakes up and sighs as he turns to see that the pillow next to him is empty.
X (muttering)- Why does she always leave?
X rolls over to her pillow which smells very strongly of He. A minute later, there is banging on the door.
X (groaning)- Fuck off. I don’t have any drugs- try Archie Langerfield down the hall.
He (laughing)- Do you honestly want to send your girlfriend to the uni’s biggest playboy?
X grins and gets up quickly to open the door for He.
X- I thought you’d gone.
He kisses his cheek and walks in.
He (laughing)- Did you miss me?
X (truthfully)- Yes. Why did you go? Get back in bed…
He shakes her head.
He- If I do, neither of us will leave.
X pouts and He kisses him. He lifts her up and carries her to the bed, but she breaks away quickly.
He- No. No… not now.
X rolls his eyes and sets her down.
X- Fine.
He smiles innocently.
X- So why did you leave?
He- I got us breakfast.
X- You did?
He nods and opens her bag. X smiles as he can smell coffee and freshly baked croissants.
X- Choice… thanks.
X takes a croissant and eats it very quickly. He laughs at him.
He- Hungry, are we?
X (with his mouth full)- I don’t usually do that much exercise at bed-time.
He laughs and drinks her coffee.
X- These croissants…where from?
He- I baked them.
X- Yeah, okay…
He blushes.
He- No, I did. I went home and made a batch. I like baking. Mum and I always used to make afternoon tea together.
X stares at He in shock.
X- Wow. I never would have picked you to be the ‘wifely’ type.
He narrows her eyes.
He- What’s that supposed to mean? That you never would have considered me to settle down with?
X (hastily)- No… I mean…. I just thought you’d be a bit more like my own mum- less oriented around the kitchen and house, and more business-like.
He- My mum’s both, thank you very much, as am I.
X- I know…. I…
He shakes her head.
He- Sorry. I’m being a bitch. I think I’ve got my period coming…
X pales and He laughs.
He- Don’t be such a boy! Every normal girl gets her period.
X shivers and He ignores this and lights up a joint.
He (closing her eyes)- Ah. That’s better.
X- Don’t you prefer a healthier start to the day?
He- No.
X looks at the joint apprehensively but says nothing. Eventually, X blurts out-
X- I don’t get you.
He opens her eyes and looks at him.
He- What’s not to get?
X- Everything about you! I mean, I love that about you- but…. But sometimes it’s just so frustrating!
He raises her eyebrows and then laughs.
He- And I thought I was the one with pms!
X- No! You quit school to become an actress…. But then want to go back and study… and then you want to become a nun but then talk about things like threesomes … and then you do things like baking croissants but then you smoke spliff! Make up your mind!
He (calmly)- This is how I am. I’ve always been like this. I’ll never change. If you can’t deal with this, then perhaps…
X sighs and looks down.
X- Sorry. I don’t mean to sound like I’m angry at you…
He- Well you did.
X- Sorry. It’s just…sometimes I wonder that you’re so flighty and uncertain with your life that you’ll wake up one morning and decide that you don’t want to be with me and leave me- just like that.
He says nothing to this but also looks down.
He- I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. Ever.
X looks up at her.
X- I know, but the fact that you couldn’t even respond by saying that you would never leave me like that makes me think that it’s inevitable that you will.
He gets up and goes to the window. She throws the joint out of it and crosses her arms.
He- Well what do you want me to do? What do you want me to say?
X looks at her silently and He leaves, snatching up her bag angrily on her way out.
…
Fred Weasley looks shocked when he sees He in his shop, looking very purposeful.
F- Helena! Um…
He- What was wrong with me?
A few customers leave very quickly and F looks uncomfortable.
F (calling)- George, man the shop. I’m leaving.
He looks furious, but F drags her out the back way.
F- Are you drunk?
He- No!
F- You’re high. I can smell it on you.
He- I’m not. Stop making excuses, damn it! What was so wrong with me that you didn’t want me?
F sighs.
F- You were wonderful. There was never anything wrong with you- I just couldn’t help the fact that I loved Anka- and still do. Please don’t tell her, but that’s just how it is. I can’t help how I feel.
He rolls her eyes.
He (incredulous)- I can’t believe that I was hung up over you! You’re a twat! She dumped you, has gotten married, and has a kid! Don’t you know when something’s over?
F- I wish I did. Trust me.
He shakes her head at him.
He- I’d say get over her already. And I’d really like to slap you for what you put me through… but you’re too pathetic for that.
F shrugs and He lights up a joint.
F- Mind if I have a bit? I think I need it.
He shrugs and they sit on the porch, passing the joint between them.
F- What’s going on with your life at the moment? You’re always changing your mind- it’s hard to keep track of things with you.
He laughs darkly and takes the joint.
He- Same old me. Never making up her mind. In a way, I suppose I’m just as pathetic as you.
F smiles and takes the joint.
He- So what’s your deal? You were meant to be the ‘joker of Hogwarts’- the prankster to rival my dad and his group. Why are you such an emo?
F laughs at He
F- I don’t know. I think I just got bitten by one wrong bug and…
He rolls her eyes.
He- Oh please. We’ve all been bitten by the ‘love bug’. You get over it.
F (smiling)- Strangely, you’ve made me feel a lot better. Even though you’ve called me pathetic about a hundred times.
He (tartly)- Well that makes one of us.
F watches her and then leans forward and kisses her. He quickly pushes him away.
He- Fred. What the fuck?
F- Sorry… sorry, I….
But, suddenly, He forgets X and everyone else and just remembers that intense pain she went through when she and F ended. All she wants is for it to go away. She pulls him to her and in next to no time they’re on his bed, ripping each others’ clothes off.
…
When it’s over, He gets up quickly.
He- I have to go.
F- Already?
He- I forgot I had… um… I just….late…
Without any further explanation, He quickly disapparates back home.
He sits on her bed and realises that she’s shaking all over.
He (jittery)- Fuck… fuck… fuck… what have I done?
An (calling from outside her door)-
He’s eyes widen and An walks in the room to find a half-naked He who looks as though she’s in the middle of a nervous breakdown.
An- Shit! What happened to you?
He mouths wordlessly and An rushes up to her and sits her down and puts her blanket over He.
An-
He stares at An with wide eyes
He- I think I’m fucking up my life again.
An (firmly)- No, I don’t think…
He- I am! I am! It’s… fucked…fuck, fuck, fuck!
An stands up.
An- Right. I’m telling your dad that we’ve got to take the day off. Get dressed. I’ll be back her in a minute.
…
When An returns, He is just as scantily clad as she was before. An sighs, pulls a dress on He, and apparates He back to her apartment.
He says nothing and An goes and gets a bottle of wine. She comes back and gives He a glass.
An- Drink.
He drinks the entire glass quickly.
He (hoarsely, but with a small smile)- It’s a bit early…
An shrugs.
An- Never makes a difference with me. Having Cara as a kid has made me an alcoholic.
An pours them both a second glass… and then a third…and then a fourth…
…
He (slurring)- Are you going to have another shit…oops, I meant…kid?
An laughs giddily.
An- Shit is the right word. I don’t know. Well, I suppose. I want to because Cara is too selfish. We’ve been trying and Phin’s stopped taking his hic..potion
He- Poor you. No more drinking
An (lighting another of He’s joints)- Or spliff
He- No way! You’re a closet pot head?
An- We all need a way to relax. Mine will kill me a little sooner than others… (shrugs indifferently)- I don’t mind.
He pours out more wine and they chink their glasses.
He- Here’s to getting fucked for escapism.
An giggles.
He- What?
An- Fucked. But no fucking’s going on?
He also giggles.
He- Have you been with a woman?
An shakes her head morosely.
An- I always wonder that I got settled too early. I never had the chance to explore. I hic…would have liked to do it at least once. Just to know…
He finishes her wine and then kisses An.
An blinks and they separate. An then turns and finishes her own glass of wine, sets it down on the coffee table, and then goes back to He and kisses her.
…
An (still high)- Does it count as cheating if it’s with a woman?
He (mumbling)- I don’t know.
An- Hmm…
He- Did you like it?
An- I…did.
He- Really?
An- I don’t know if I’d want to be with you- just because I don’t like you in that way- but it was different. Aside from the side we can’t have full sex… it was better.
He- I’m good, then?
An laughs.
An- You are.
He- So were you. For a novice.
They burst into drunken giggles
An- I think it’s because we’re women. We know how to pleasure ourselves and what works. Men can’t ever know our bodies like we do.
He- I love you when you’re off your face. You make such valid points.
An- Hmm.
He- Will you feel bad about this?
An- Probably.
He- Me too. I don’t want to come down.
An- You don’t want to cum?
They both start laughing again.
An- Do you…do you reckon we could try one more time?
…
P- What the fuck?
Both An and He look up in shock. They are lying on top of each other (wearing clothes- but still looking completely suspicious) and then An passes out.
P- She’s a train-wreck, that woman. What were you two doing…have you been smoking spliff?... Shit why is there blood on Anka’s face?
He stares at An in horror and then looks at her leg, where there is blood coming down her thigh.
P stares at He.
P- Fuck, you too… here, hold on. I’ll take you both to the hospital…
He’s eyes widen as she realises P doesn’t understand what this means.
He (tearily)- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never realised…
P (confused)- What are you on about? You’re high… come on, I’ll take you to the hospital…
He’s eyes widen and she shakes her head.
He- I’m so sorry
He then disapparates home and grabs a bunch of tissues and wipes the blood from her thigh. She starts crying as she realises that she is cramping horribly and runs to the toilet and throws up several times.
He knows she should have a shower, but doesn’t feel as though she deserves to be clean when she feels like the dirtiest woman on the planet.
She fishes through the medicine cabinet and tries to find any drugs which seem very strong. She finds a bottle of vodka from under her bed and forces herself to take an entire handful of the drugs.
She smiles as she feels her head becoming light and laughs faintly before she blacks out.
…
A/N: Took me a while to update… though I must say, the lack of reviews for the last post did not really encourage me to update either. Speaking of… if you haven’t gone and read/reviewed Witchcraft by a Picture, please do. If you have, thank you- I love you!
So! What will happen to Helena, and the mess she created in everyone else’s lives?
Love Anya
- Music:'Standing In the Way Of Control'- The Gossip
‘You know she does have a point,’ Remus pointed out.
Sirius wanted to throttle him. Why was Remus the relationship guru? He wasn’t even in a relationship and never had been!
‘I agree,’ James nodded.
Again. Since when was James the authority on girls? Lily Evans only just hexed him and refused him every day!
‘Mm,’ Peter nodded.
Peter? Now this was getting ridiculous.
‘No offence, but none of you are exactly experts in this field,’ Sirius muttered, wanting just to forget the day and fall asleep.
‘Think about it, though,’ Remus continued in his precocious manner. ‘Whenever you two start getting really serious, you break up for some reason. Usually, it’s something pretty stupid.’
‘Yeah, like her shopping- I mean, that’s the saddest excuse for accusing someone of cheating on you. It’s beneath even you, Pads,’ James said fairly.
Sirius scoffed but, later that night, he began to ponder what Remus and James had told him and started to wonder if there was some truth in their comments-
Did they always break up whenever things started to get a bit too serious? Did he always subconsciously get cold feet and then find the most frivolous excuse to break up with her?
And, by 4 am, he knew the answer-
Yes, yes he did.
The only problem was this-
Was she right? Was he still too immature to deal with being in a committed relationship, or was he going to take the plunge, once and for all, and commit himself fully.
He looked at his clock- 4.30 am.
He had a bit more thinking to do.
xxx
As the next day was a Sunday, he stayed in bed all day, pondering what exactly it was he wanted from life. This thought process was surely prematurely forced upon him, he believed, as he was sure that most sixteen year olds were not forced to make such life-changing decisions and many a time he became indignant at the thought.
He also, many a time, became distracted-
But it his fault that Peter had left his box of chocolate frogs out on his bedside table.
And it wasn’t his fault that Remus had a pair of robes which looked pink from across the room, causing him- in the best interests of his friendship group- to sort through Remus’ clothes just to be certain that Remus wasn’t, in fact, gay.
And it certainly wasn’t his fault that James had dropped his copy of ‘Naughty Witch’ magazine on the ground.
But as he was busying himself with James’ magazine- and the sun was very steadily setting by that point- he realised that what he was obviously choosing was so pathetic.
Why would he choose a stupid porn magazine and his own hand when he had the real thing- and a girl who, in his opinion, was much more beautiful than those models- as an available option?
Why would he choose to put up with idiots like Ruby over a girl who was smart and willing to put up with him?
Why would he be so mean and suspicious towards her, when he treated the other worthless girls like princesses?
Sirius frowned. He didn’t like hypocrisy, and it was annoying him very much that he himself was showing most unpleasant signs of the trait in his character.
And, by 4 am the next morning, he had finally come to his conclusion.
He was, quietly, rather pleased that he didn’t need her deadline of a week. He also thought that she should be rather honoured as he, as a matter of principle, never finished anything before its deadline.
But sometimes there were exceptions to principles… and this matter most certainly was.
xxx
‘Helen. Wake up.’
He patted her covers only to realise that she wasn’t in bed. He groaned, not understanding why he had taken it upon himself to fall in love with possibly the most impossible and difficult girl in the world.
He decided that he would definitely have a word with Cupid on the matter in the next life.
But, as the task at hand couldn’t wait, he went back to the Common Room, took out the Marauder’s Map, and saw that her name was walking steadily from Hogsmeade back to Hogwarts.
Hogsmeade?
Now, he knew that he was a little too suspicious before, but what on earth was that girl doing at Hogsmeade at 4 am, of all hours of the day?
She had a little bit of explaining to do.
xxxx
‘Right. What’s going on with you? Hogsmeade at 4am is just not normal.’
Helen froze and he pulled the cloak off. They stared at each other for a minute, the only sound in the dark, dank passageway between Hogsmeade and Hogwarts being the dripping of water from the ceiling.
‘Are…are you following me?’ she eventually whispered hoarsely.
‘I had something to tell you,’ Sirius said stiffly.
Helen raised an eyebrow.
‘At 4 am?’
‘I went to your dorm to wake you up to tell you, but you were gone. Naturally, I was concerned for your wellbeing and saw you sneaking back into the school.’
‘What could be so important that you couldn’t wait a few hours to tell me at a decent hour?’ she exclaimed incredulously.
Sirius crossed his arms. He knew that the fasted way to getting her to divulge would probably be just to kiss her, whisper oh so romantically how he loved her and never wanted to let her go…. but that really would just be far too out of character for him.
‘I’ll tell you once you explain to me why you were scurrying off to Hogsmeade,’ he replied coolly.
Helen pursed her lips.
‘I believe that’s none of your business,’ she replied tartly.
Sirius took a step closer to her and she took a step back, gulping as she was now against the wall and he was very close. She looked up at his eyes defiantly but felt a jolt in her stomach as she saw how they sparkled in the darkness.
She now realised that he was teasing her and she was, in a way, very relieved that they had finally returned to their old dynamic.
But that didn’t mean that she was going to let him win this little game.
‘So,’ he whispered, his lips barely inches away from her own. ‘You’re not going to tell me why you were very suspiciously in Hogsmeade just now?’
She didn’t care about him being a bit immature. Honestly, all she wanted was for him to snog her senseless then and there.
But that would be giving in.
‘No,’ she managed to whisper.
He smiled a little and tucked a tendril of her hair behind her ear. The contact of his fingers on her neck made her let out a slight sigh which she suppressed as soon as she could.
Not before he heard it, though, and she was furious as she caught his lips twitching.
‘Sirius. I don’t appreciate you stalking me,’ she snapped, trying to push him away.
He raised an eyebrow, not moving.
‘You call it stalking… I call it caring about you.’
She scoffed.
‘You don’t care about me.’
He fell silent and she bit her lip as she wondered if she may have gone too far. She then narrowed her eyes suspiciously- was this all part of his trap to win this little game?
He lowered his hands from the wall so that he no longer had any contact with her.
‘Okay then,’ he said. ‘I’ll leave you to whatever you’re doing. I suppose I had come to the wrong decision, then.’
He smiled to himself as he walked slowly away and tried not to laugh when he heard Helen give a little scream of frustration.
‘Stop!’ she called after him.
He turned, feigning sadness.
‘Oh, but you think I don’t care about you! As far as I’m concerned, I’m just some creep who stalks you.’
Helen glared at him.
‘Okay. Enough is enough. Stop this stupid game- you win this time. Whatever, I don’t care. Now, tell me what you wanted to wake me up to tell me,’ she snapped, breathing heavily.
Sirius considered her before shaking his head.
‘Nope. Sorry. I think- following this discussion- that I will need that extra time. I’ve decided I might need to rethink my decision.’
Helen stared at him dully.
‘You do know that you’re very infuriating and that I want to slap you right now?’ she snapped.
He smiled sweetly.
‘Ah, but ma cherie, all you need to do is tell me what you were doing in Hogsmeade just now.’
Helen stared at him glumly before sinking to the floor, looking like a sulking child.
‘I hate you.’
‘Thank you,’ Sirius said, amused, sitting next to her.
‘I was shopping.’
Sirius stared at her in disbelief.
‘I can’t believe you’re still lying about this,’ he said, shaking his head and making to get him.
Helen chewed her lip.
‘No… I… some shops never close and I saw this top as I was walking back to school yesterday and couldn’t get it out of my mind! It…’
She blushed, embarrassed.
‘I sort of stayed up all night wishing that I had just stopped and tried it on… until I couldn’t take it anymore and went all the way here just to try it on,’ she admitted, finally.
Sirius stared at her, saying nothing, and she put her head in her hands.
‘Oh God, you think I’m a nutter now!’
‘Um… well, I can’t imagine how a top could keep you up at night. I mean, I stayed up all night too-but that’s because I was thinking of you.’
Helen looked up at him guiltily.
‘It was… really nice,’ she said quietly, looking down and blushing.
Sirius wasn’t quite sure what to say but now he realised that his original suspicions were confirmed. He was playing second fiddle… but this wasn’t to another man, as he had initially thought.
He was coming second to Helen’s new clothing obsession.
His girlfriend was a shopaholic.
He blinked and noticed that she was looking very guilty and ashamed.
‘Helen,’ he asked, still very surprised at the news, ‘can I ask why you feel the need to sneak off to Hogsmeade when you could have just as easily gone with me or with Lily the next day?’
Helen chewed her lip.
‘Because neither of you understand it. It’s… clothes, for you two, are sort of a means to an end. You both dress well, but at the end of the day, they’re just essential items. For me, it’s sort of become a bit of a hobby.’
Sirius raised an eyebrow.
‘Personally, ma cherie, I think you may have a bit of a compulsive obsession.’
Helen fell silent and then nodded guiltily.
‘You’re right,’ she admitted in a small voice.
Sirius’ lips twitched a little.
‘It’s not every day that I ever hear that phrase from you.’
Helen said nothing and Sirius sighed.
‘Well, may I at least see the top? Surely it must have been amazing if you went to such effort to purchase it.’
Helen blushed even more deeply at this.
‘I… I didn’t get it.’
‘Oh?’
‘I… well, it was just a little too pricey,’ she confessed. ‘And I haven’t started thieving to support my habit yet,’ she added offhandishly, laughing a little.
Sirius observed her and then stood up.
‘Okay, let’s go,’ he said, helping her up.
Helen looked confused as he started leading her towards Hogsmeade.
‘Why are we going this way?’
‘Because.’
‘Sirius.’
‘Don’t you want to hear my story, now?’ he asked, changing the subject.
Helen shrugged. She had sort of forgotten.
‘So,’ he continued, as they walked through the empty streets of Hogsmeade, ‘I thought long and hard about what you said and decided that you were right- we do just break up whenever I, usually, panic at the commitment.’
Helen started walking more slowly as she stared at him. She was quite surprised that he agreed with her.
He nodded.
‘Yes. And, after a whole day of thinking it through, I realised that the rest doesn’t matter and that I have been immature. I can’t promise that I’ll ever ‘grow up’ in the responsible sense, but I know that I can be mature enough to know when I have a good thing and accept that I have to let go of other things to keep it.’
Helen blinked, still surprised.
‘So,’ he said quietly, looking at the ground, ‘I made a decision- I don’t want to upset you anymore, or let you down. Having said this, we’re probably going to continue fighting on a daily basis and all, but I will try and be better. I…’
But Sirius didn’t need to continue trying to explain himself because Helen interrupted him by kissing him.
When they separated, he grinned, as did she.
‘Well, that’s more like it!’
‘Hmm,’ she said, her lips twitching. ‘I sort of think that we’re back to ‘normal’ now. I don’t quite think we were there after we got back together.’
Sirius screwed up his nose.
‘Yeah, I know. We were so gloomy and serious around each other!’
‘Quite dull,’ she nodded. ‘I’m glad we had this argument.’
‘Me too.’
‘So can we go back to Hogwarts now?’
Sirius shook his head.
‘Not yet. I want to see this top.’
Helen’s cheeks instantly became ruby.
‘No! No, it’s fine…. Let’s just go…’
‘You know, the more you carry on like this, the less I’ll believe such a top existed…’
‘Oh, you’re already becoming distrusting of me? Not even a minute after your supposedly ‘heartfelt’ speech?’
‘Helen,’ Sirius interrupted. ‘I just want to do something. Just go with me on this.’
Helen pursed her lips and was still blushing, but led him around the corner to the store nonetheless.
‘There,’ she sighed, pointing to the window. ‘That’s the top.’
Could he see what she saw in that top? Most definitely not.
It was just a green chiffon blouse with a little bit of detail down the front… but nothing spectacular in his opinion.
He turned to look at her and was surprised to see how sad she looked as she looked at it longingly.
‘Right. Let’s get it, then,’ he shrugged.
Her eyes widened.
‘No way! It’s far too expensive!’
‘Fine. How about I get it as my present to you to signify my commitment to you?’
Helen stared at him and then looked almost angry.
‘I don’t need a stupid top from you to signify that!’ she exclaimed indignantly.
‘But…’
‘I mean, look at it. How on earth is that flimsy thing worth four hundred galleons, anyway?’
Sirius’ eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets- four hundred galleons? Merlin, she had definitely developed a very expensive taste.
Now he was secretly very glad that she didn’t want it anymore.
‘Then what can I do to prove it to you?’ he said.
She smiled, her anger thankfully dissipating.
‘Time,’ she said. ‘Nothing else can prove it.’
He sighed. It was true, but such an annoying answer nonetheless.
‘And now, then?’ he asked.
She grinned cheekily.
‘Well, I’m rather cold out here, and the Shrieking Shack has a fireplace which I believe could warm me up. Also, I do believe that you could help me warm up in your own special way.’
Sirius pretended to look shocked.
‘Milady,’ he exclaimed. ‘Are you…flirting with me inappropriately?’
She grinned and leaned forward.
‘Inappropriate is just what I feel like at the moment,’ she whispered in his ear.
He had to grin. After all- the girl believed not only in make-up sex, but in adventurous, Shrieking Shack morning sex.
Definitely one of his better decisions in life.
A/N: Ok, so back to present time after this post. Hope you enjoyed it, though.
I think I might take a break from writing Helen/Sirius for a very short while as well because I’m trying to channel Selene and Alphard and if I’m writing Helen and Sirius, I might run the risk of making Selene and Alphard seem too much like Helen/Sirius. It’s so hard to not write ‘Helen’ with Asteria. I sometimes keep writing Helen instead of Selene!
Speaking of that, if you haven’t heard about the prequel to TGM which I’m writing… go on my ff.net author’s page and read it! It’s called ‘Witchcraft by a Picture’ and focuses on Selene/Alphard/Tom.
Oh, and make sure you review it as well!
…… and review this on your way out :D
Love Anya
This is a follow-up post to 'The Sun Rising.'
James raised his eyebrows at his best friend. Sirius seemed to be brooding, for some reason, as he sat in his armchair in the common room.
He rolled his Quidditch Weekly magazine and hit Sirius on the arm.
‘Oi.’
Sirius turned sulkily to look at James.
‘What was that for?’ he asked irritably.
James rolled his eyes at his friend. Sometimes he wondered how Sirius even had the hide to call himself an alpha male with the extent to which he sulked. Heavens, most girls didn’t have mood swings as unpredictable and extreme as Sirius’- and they had to go through that ‘time of the month’!
‘You’re stewing about something. What’s wrong?’
Sirius narrowed his eyes and James turned to see that he was watching Lily and Helen giggling over a magazine.
‘Helen?’ he guessed.
‘Hm,’ Sirius replied darkly.
James sighed.
‘What about her? I thought you two just got together again!’
‘We did.’
‘And no one’s seen you two for the past week- it’s as though you just disappeared in your reunion bliss.’
‘So it must have seemed.’
‘Well I doubt that the two of you were fighting when I unfortunately happened upon you in a compromising position on the classroom desk this afternoon.’
Sirius scowled.
‘There’s no need to act like that! You know the rules- no sleeping with her until you finish school!’
Sirius rolled his eyes and continued to watch Helen moodily.
‘How do you know she’s not doing that with anyone else, then?’
James raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
‘Sirius,’ he said shortly. ‘Jealousy is very unbecoming, and I know you fancy yourself to be a pretty boy.’
This comment, at least, elicited a small smile from his friend.
‘Helen obviously isn’t shagging anyone else. She’s completely absorbed in you!’
Sirius shook his head.
‘No. She’s still shopping obsessively.’
James stared at Sirius in disbelief and then let out a snort.
‘You’ve constructed this entire theory of her being unfaithful all because she’s still shopping?’ he laughed.
Sirius nodded, and sat up- leaning towards James conspiratorially.
‘You see she was shopping before because she wanted me to notice her.’
James raised an eyebrow.
‘That’s a bit conceited of you. Did you ever think that perhaps she likes shopping?’
Sirius shook his head gravely.
‘No. The shopping happened after we broke up- so did the change in hair colour. She even half admitted it when we got back together.’
James sighed heavily.
‘Ok. So she started shopping to drown her sorrows…’
‘…and be noticed,’ Sirius finished importantly.
James raised his eyebrows.
‘What’s your point, Pads?’
‘My point is that she’s still doing it.’
‘And?’ James asked, becoming frustrated with how long it was taking for his friend to get to his point.
‘Well,’ Sirius replied, sounding irritated that James hadn’t cottoned on yet, ‘if she’s still trying to be noticed then she must want someone else to notice her!’
James stared at Sirius in disbelief.
‘You agree with me, right?’ Sirius nodded, his mouth becoming a taut line as he believed that his suspicions had been finally confirmed.
‘Sirius?’
‘Yes?’
‘You may be one of the cleverest students in Hogwarts, but I’m your best friend and therefore feel it’s my duty to let you know that, unfortunately, you’re an idiot.’
And with that, James got up and walked over to where Remus and Peter were playing a game of Exploding Snap.
xxx
‘Where are you going?’
Helen gasped in shock, but then turned around and smiled as she saw Sirius.
‘Oh, I’m just going to Hogsmeade for a bit. Weren’t we meeting at 1?’
‘Yeah, I finished my detention early. I thought we were meant to meet at the Common Room, though?’
Helen raised her eyebrows.
‘We were.’
‘So what are you doing going to Hogsmeade, then?’
Helen stared at Sirius for a moment, before asking-
‘Sirius, what’s going on?’
‘Eh?’
‘Why the interrogation?’
Sirius stared at her but then just shrugged.
‘What interrogation? I was just wondering….’
Helen rolled her eyes.
‘For someone who is a Marauder, you’re a terrible liar. Come on- out with it. What is it this time? You think I have a secret lover?’ she laughed, rolling her eyes at the thought.
‘You do!’ Sirius cried, sounding strangled.
Helen stared at him before bursting into laughter.
‘Merlin, you’re the most gullible person I know when it comes to these things. No, of course not you stupid arse.’
‘So now I’m an arse?’
Helen sighed, frustrated with how annoying Sirius was being today.
‘Sirius,’ she said finally, ‘I want you to choose between doing one of two things-
1) You can tell me what’s bothering you and get it off your chest so we can go back to being normal
2) You can leave so I can get my dress and find a way to become normal by the time I get back.’
Sirius stared at her dully.
‘You’re choosing a dress over me?’
Helen considered the statement.
‘Please don’t make me choose,’ she grinned. ‘It’s a lovely dress… but I do rather like shagging you. Surely I can keep both?’
Sirius looked down, looking almost sad. Helen didn’t know what quite what to do.
‘Right. I’ll see you in an hour then,’ she said, kissing him swiftly on the cheek and leaving quickly.
xxx
Sirius looked at the clock. She was ten minutes late.
Ten whole minutes.
He knew how long ten minutes was-
Ten minutes was a very long and passionate snog.
Ten minutes was a thorough blow job
Ten minutes was a quickie in some corridor
Ten minutes was enough to kill him. Couldn’t she be decent enough to cheat on him discreetly so that he would never know?
The door opened and he looked up to see her.
She was out of breath.
There were many things that made one out of breath.
‘You’re late,’ he stated.
‘Sorry,’ she said, looking at him incredulously and wondering since when he paid such strict adherence to the time. ‘I got caught up with John St Claire on the way back.’
That was it.
Surely, if she was going to shag someone else, she should have enough discretion not to let him know who her partner in the filthy crime was!
He sprung up, unable to take it anymore.
‘John St Claire!’ he roared.
‘Er…yes,’ she said, looking very confused as to why the Ravenclaw’s name elicited such a response from her cheri.
‘Him? Of all people… him?’
It actually hurt him more than he could say- the fact that she thought that someone like John St Claire was better than him.
So much for ‘Bachelor Extraordinaire.’ Apparently Hogwarts had a new contender for that title.
‘Sirius,’ Helen explained calmly, sitting on his bed. ‘You know perfectly well that John is my partner for that Potions Assignment. He wanted to know when we should meet to plan our practical report.’
Sirius continued to stare at her, lost for words. She sighed and started unbuttoning her shirt to reveal a new lingerie set.
Surely she hadn’t worn such lingerie just for him...
She grinned, mistaking why he was staring at her lingerie.
‘Do you like it?’ she asked coyly, letting her skirt drop to the ground as she sat back on his bed. ‘I just got it the other day.’
That smile was far too seductive for a novice- she had definitely been practicing on others.
Suddenly, her smile dropped and she frowned. She looked sad, but it was the quiet time of sadness which he had seen in her when they weren’t together- the type that she would ever tell anyone that she was experiencing.
‘I… I suppose you don’t like it, then,’ she said quietly, leaning over to pick up her skirt. ‘I guess I’ll leave you, seeing as you don’t seem to want to see me.’
His ears suddenly pricked up at this.
‘Where are you going?’ he asked.
She stared at him, frustrated, and then got up.
‘Sirius,’ she half shouted through gritted teeth, ‘You’re driving me crazy and it’s making me hate you! I always knew that things would never be the same after that breakup- that we would have lost that ‘special’ thing we originally had where there wasn’t suspicion or jealousy or the memory of a huge fight… but you know what? I’ve been making an effort. I’ve really tried to forget everything you said and did to me, no matter how I’m kept up every night remembering everything I went through because of you. And I know that you know it’s not the same either- but you could at least make a fucking effort to try getting some of what we used to have back.’
Sirius blinked, shocked at what she had just said. Suddenly, he felt rather sheepish as his suspicions seemed so baseless and contrived.
She shook her head at him.
‘I think you’re not ready to be in a proper relationship,’ she said finally, turning to leave.
‘Wait,’ he called after her hopelessly.
She stopped and turned to look at him.
‘I’ll tell you what I’ll do, Sirius- and only because you happen to be the only boy whom I’ve ever actually felt like this about. I’m giving you a week and I want you, during this week, to think long and hard about what you want and how you want it. If it’s sex that you want, then I’m not the right girl for you. If it’s a relationship that you want, then I’m here- but you can’t freak out each time I talk to another man either and use that as an excuse to start an argument because then I’ll just think that you’re using me for sex and breaking up with me over stupid things so we don’t get too serious.’
‘But…’
‘One week. Come back to me then and tell me what you’ve decided. It’s all up to you- and any decision you make is fine by me. I won’t hate you.’
And with that, she walked off leaving Sirius very confused.
Part 2 is above.
- Music:'Visionary Dream'- Sopho Khalvashi
Due to popular demand.
As this has become an AU version of TGM, what with no Voldemort and all, I figure that Helen/Sirius would not have gotten together after their OWL fight the way they did in TGM. Nor would they have slept together that night after the Diagon Alley massacre night in TGM…
So, to set the scene, Helen and Sirius have just started their 6th year, and are still broken up. They’ve never slept together either.
xxxx
THE SUN RISING.
by John Donne
BUSY old fool, unruly Sun,
Why dost thou thus,
Through windows, and through curtains, call on us ?
Must to thy motions lovers' seasons run ?
Saucy pedantic wretch, go chide
Late school-boys and sour prentices,
Go tell court-huntsmen that the king will ride,
Call country ants to harvest offices ;
Love, all alike, no season knows nor clime,
Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time.
Thy beams so reverend, and strong
Why shouldst thou think ?
I could eclipse and cloud them with a wink,
But that I would not lose her sight so long.
If her eyes have not blinded thine,
Look, and to-morrow late tell me,
Whether both th'
Be where thou left'st them, or lie here with me.
Ask for those kings whom thou saw'st yesterday,
And thou shalt hear, "All here in one bed lay."
She's all states, and all princes I ;
Nothing else is ;
Princes do but play us ; compared to this,
All honour's mimic, all wealth alchemy.
Thou, Sun, art half as happy as we,
In that the world's contracted thus ;
Thine age asks ease, and since thy duties be
To warm the world, that's done in warming us.
Shine here to us, and thou art everywhere ;
This bed thy center is, these walls thy sphere.
xxxx
Helen was exhausted. Not because she had just spent the entire evening staring at her Transfiguration book in the library and not because she had missed dinner.
Not even because she had developed a horrible dependence on painkillers which she had been using to substitute meals lately.
She was exhausted because of Sirius.
He hadn’t spoken to her all year, and they had been back at school for two months already. She was actually quite surprised at how they had both managed to ignore each other so well given that they had many classes together and were in the same house, but they had both managed to get through two months of school without even exchanging a sentence.
But there had been eye contact, and that killed her.
Each time, they so happened to walk past each other and accidentally looked at each other, she felt a painful jolt in her stomach which was totally unrelated to the painkillers. Her breath caught and her heart would launch into palpitations.
There was nothing in those glances anymore, though. No hate, but no love or longing either. It was just… a neutral glance- indifference.
On most days, she was fine. She would barely think about him. Seeing him around the school was also fine.
Just so long as she didn’t have to look into his eyes.
Looking into them would render her paralysed until he walked off. When he had, she would walk slowly to the nearest classroom, sink into a chair, and feel debilitated for the rest of the day- like an invalid.
She now agreed with whoever had said that love was a debilitating illness, and no matter how many painkillers she took, that pain she felt each time she looked into his eyes would always be there.
She hated that those stupid painkillers only worked for bodily pains, though they did numb her mind on most days which was enough to get her through them.
But they also made it impossible to take anything in. She could no longer concentrate, but she didn’t care anymore either. She barely even noticed that all her essays were coming back with ‘B’s’ and notes from teachers for her to see them, compared to the ‘A+’s’ with an ‘Excellent’ scrawled across the top of the essay, as she used to get. She visited McGonagall, but barely heard a word she said.
She really just didn’t care.
She walked down the dark corridor slowly and then paused to pull her jumper off, even though it was freezing already. Somehow, the cold made her feel better- it numbed the senses which is exactly what she needed. As she continued to walk, she paused by the window to see his star shining brightly and sighed.
He was just the same- effervescenant, confident and on top of his game. Whilst she had grown thinner, paler, and far less radiant, he had become the opposite. Over the summer, he seemed to have broadened and grown taller so that he no longer looked so much like a boy, but a man.
She could never help watching whenever he hugged another girl, or twirled her around, or even spoke to her. She knew that watching was bad for her- effectively twisting the knife in her chest- but she had to know. Sometimes, her obsessive watchfulness even scared her- made her wonder if she was turning into some kind of psychotic freak such as those seen in thriller movies.
But he was hers, wasn’t he? They were meant to be the unlikely ‘it’ couple of Hogwarts. How did it all go so wrong? Because of some stupid fight? Surely it wasn’t meant to last so long-just long enough for him to learn his lesson…
But the only person who seemed to have learnt a lesson was she. She had thought it was their usual game, but now the silence had gone on for so long that there was no going back.
She had lost.
And perhaps that was what had hurt her so much about the whole event. The fact that she had lost. She had lost. Not he.
Because he wasn’t dying. He was fine. He didn’t need her because he had his friends…
But she had lost her best friend because no matter how close she had been with Lily and Remus, he understood her completely and he had somehow become her best friend in their time together.
Why did he betray her like that, then?
She wiped her eyes and bit down on her lip, feeling very angry with herself.
‘Snap out of it. You’re becoming ridiculous,’ she said to herself, annoyed. ‘You’ve become pathetic.’
But she caught her reflection in the window and, upon seeing the sallow and emaciated face, realised that she was pathetic and was so depressed at the thought that she had no energy to stop the tears.
xxxx
He awoke with a start and, rubbing his eyes and yawning, lay back down. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was 4am.
He was used to his body’s wake up call- it had been 4 am like this every day ever since he came back to Hogwarts. He wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with him- why he kept waking up at 4 am, but wasn’t about to go to Madame Pomfrey about it.
He didn’t need a psych analysis. He was sure that he’d let something slip and they’d lock him up at St Mungo’s Institution for the Mentally Unstable which was not his idea of a good time.
Because he knew that it’d be an hour at least until he’d be able to fall back asleep, he took out the Marauder’s Map. It had become a little game of his to see who was in bed and who wasn’t- to see who the rebels of the school were.
Tonight, however, everyone seemed to be very boring. No one was wondering the corridors and that annoyed him because it left him only to glance at the Gryffindor Girls’ Dorms to see if she was asleep yet. It wasn’t stalkerish or anything… he was just curious to see if she was shacking up with anyone else yet. He sort of had a right to know, didn’t he? After all, she was his ex-girlfriend…
He was surprised to see that she wasn’t in bed, but pacing the girls’ bathroom. Usually she was in bed by 4 am, but not tonight.
He looked to his bedside table, took a licorice wand, and lay back in bed as he continued to watch the map. Her dot continued to pace until it stopped.
Five minutes later, he began to feel a little worried- the dot was still there, in the centre of the bathroom.
What if she’d tried to kill herself? He rapped his knuckles sharply on the wooden headstand at the thought, but he still couldn’t shake it. She definitely had looked very altered ever since she had returned to school. He wondered what her parents had done to her…
A minute later, he himself was pacing his dorm room nervously. She was still in the middle of the bathroom. What on earth was she doing there?
A minute more and he was on his broom, wearing James’ cloak. It was easy to get in as she wasn’t in her bed and hers was the bed closest to the window. Silently, he crept past the other girls’ beds and came to the bathroom. The door was thankfully ajar enough for him to squeeze through.
He stared in shock at what he saw. She wasn’t lying on the floor with blood dripping from her wrists, as he so feared she was. Instead, she was sitting next to a small pile of white pills and was throwing them one by one into the toilet, aiming carefully with each one.
He blinked and couldn’t help sighing in relief. Still, he was still very perplexed at her behaviour. What was she doing, aiming pills at the toilet bowl at this hour?
He watched her and realised this was the first time he had looked at her properly in a long while. What had she been doing to herself? She seemed so thin and ghostly?
After watching her for a while, he slid out of the bathroom and went back to bed. She wasn’t dead. That’s all he had wanted to check on. She definitely was loopy, but that wasn’t his problem anymore.
xxx
Everyone looked shocked to see her at breakfast the next morning. Lily and Remus beamed, glad that their friend seemed to be taking the first steps towards a recovery.
‘Helen!’ Lily smiled as her friend sat opposite her at the table. ‘Do you want some porridge? Toast?’
‘Porridge,’ Helen said, smiling widely.
Lily frowned. That smile seemed a little too happy for Helen- something wasn’t right.
‘Lily,’ Helen said, spooning porridge into her bowl. ‘I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me today. I feel like going shopping.’
Lily smiled but then faltered as she glanced at the Hufflepuff table.
‘Oh, um… I’d love to but…’
Helen smiled that falsely bright smile and stood up.
‘Never mind. I know it was short notice. I’ll see you around.’
And with that, she walked out of the Hall quickly.
xxx
Helen was actually quite content to go shopping alone. It was better- she didn’t have anyone there to make her feel bad about spending so much money or for buying clothes which seemed too nice and proper for a sixteen year-old girl.
When she returned to her dorm, she saw that Lily was there, waiting for her.
‘Hi Helen,’ Lily said, ‘Look, I wanted to…’
‘Oh, it’s fine,’ Helen shrugged, not wanting to hear Lily’s apologies. ‘Maybe some other time.’
‘Sure,’ Lily beamed. ‘How about next week.’
‘Perfect,’ Helen smiled.
Lily was still a little unsettled by Helen’s suddenly cheery behaviour. She then became very alarmed when Helen took out her trunk and began throwing all of her clothes into a garbage bag.
‘Uh… Helen?’ Lily asked tentatively.
‘Yes?’ Helen asked, continuing to throw away her clothes.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I bought myself a whole knew wardrobe today. I’ve decided I hate my clothes and that I have enough money to wear nice things. I think I deserve to, don’t you?’
Lily nodded silently and looked inside Helen’s shopping bags. Her eyes widened.
‘You spent 100 galleons on a dress!’ Lily whispered, mortified.
Helen snatched the dress from Lily.
‘Yes,’ she said shortly. She then smiled down at the dress and held it against her. It was of navy blue silk.
‘Don’t you think it looks lovely?’
Lily nodded- it did. But it was still very expensive.
‘I’ve decided,’ Helen continued as she started packing her new clothes- all in a similar price range to her dress, ‘That I love shopping. It’s so therapeutic…’
‘Until you run out of money,’ Lily muttered.
‘Well I’ll get a job on holidays, then,’ Helen said, annoyed. ‘Anyway, I could always teach piano here and tutor the younger students.’
‘Helen, have you seen your grades recently?’
Helen glowered at Lily.
‘Yes. And they’re about to change… speaking of changing…’
Helen threw off her clothes and put them, the final items, in the garbage bag. She then frowned as she surveyed her now-considerably emptier trunk and picked out the original dress which Lily had picked up.
‘I’m going to have a shower.’
xxxx
That night, instead of sneaking off to some classroom, she sat at a desk in the common room where Remus was sitting at. He looked up at her, surprised.
‘Are you going somewhere?’ he asked, surveying her new attire.
Helen shook her head.
‘No, why?’
‘Oh, you’re just… you look nice, is all,’ Remus shrugged, his cheeks flushing a little.
Helen smiled.
‘Thank you. It’s a new dress, do you like it?’
Remus nodded.
‘It suits you.’
For some reason which Remus could not fathom, this seemed to make Helen very happy and for the entire evening, as they did their homework, she was very chatty and radiant- something which she hadn’t been in a very long time.
Later in the evening, James and Sirius walked through the portrait. Remus saw her glancing quickly at them, but she then looked straight back at him and continued to talk.
xxxx
‘Hey look! Remus has a new bird… hang on…’
‘Fuck me dead,’ Sirius muttered as he stared at Helen. ‘Are they on a date or something? How come she never dressed up like that with me?’
‘Pads, she’s never dressed like that full stop,’ James said, still staring at Helen.
‘Yes,’ a wry voice came from behind them. ‘And she now has a completely new wardrobe full of such clothes.’
James and Sirius turned to see Lily who was sitting at a desk behind them.
‘Hi Lily,’ James grinned, blushing.
Lily ignored him and raised an eyebrow at Sirius.
‘Are you going out with her again, or something?’
Sirius wrinkled his nose.
‘No! Course not!’
‘Well, I suppose she must have a new man in her life then.’
Sirius blinked and then turned back to look at Helen and Remus.
‘Remus?’
Lily looked over to where the two were sitting and sighed.
‘I’m not sure… though she does seem a little flirtatious with him. Then again, she’s sort of always been like that.’
Sirius turned to look at Lily reproachfully.
‘Are you calling your best friend a slapper?’
‘No,’ Lily said, looking annoyed at Sirius for even suggesting such a thing. ‘She can’t help it- that’s just how she is. She doesn’t mean it to come across like that- it’s her way of being friendly. She’s like that with girls as well, except no one questions her behaviour then because she’s obviously into men. I think that’s partly why so many guys are in love with her, though.’
She looked to Sirius, but he looked away at this.
‘I’ve gotta go,’ he said gruffly, before stalking across the room and walking up the stairs.
‘Nice one, Lily,’ James said reproachfully, sitting down at her table.
‘What did I do?’ Lily exclaimed.
‘You just told him how everyone’s in love with his ex-girlfriend!’
‘Well that’s just it- she’s his ex- girlfriend. Not his ‘girlfriend’!’
James shook his head at her and then looked at her expectantly.
‘Potter,’ Lily said severely.
‘Yes?’ James asked, looking up at her hopefully.
‘Sod off. I have a lot of work to do,’ she replied shortly.
James’ shoulders slumped.
‘Are you sure I can’t…’
‘One…. Two….’
‘Fine,’ James sighed, getting up and also going up to his dorm.
xxxx
‘I’m done with shopping,’ Lily complained. ‘How about we just get an icecream?’
‘Love the skirt.’
Lily’s jaw dropped as she saw a man- gay, obviously- walk past Helen and compliment her skirt.
And, to her surprise, Helen beamed back at him, thanked him, and stared after him as he walked off.
‘I’ve never had a compliment from a random stranger before,’ Helen said, blushing in contentment.
Lily looked at her friend darkly. Although she was glad that Helen no longer seemed to be depressed, she was also very frustrated with her new-found habit.
‘Oh, and I have three first years who want me to tutor them, and two second years- which means more spending money for me!’ Helen said as she went to the checkout to pay for her new shoes.
‘Just what you need,’ Lily muttered. ‘How are your own studies going, by the way?’
‘Very well,’ Helen said, taking her bags. ‘I’m back to my old ‘A+’s’ across the board. McGonagall even had a meeting with me to congratulate me on my ‘return to academic success’,’ she said, laughing at the quote.
Lily watched Helen silently.
‘Shall we go get tea, then?’
Lily nodded and they walked into Madam Puddifoot’s café. Madam Puddifoot smiled at them.
‘Ah, ‘ello my dears,’ she said, mainly addressing Helen. ‘I must say, zis skirt looks vunderful on you!’
Helen blushed and Lily rolled her eyes.
‘Can we have a table for two for afternoon tea?’ Helen asked Madam Puddifoot.
‘Certainly my dear! Come zis way.’
Madam Puddifoot lead them to the best table in the café which usually had a ‘reserved’ plaque on it.
‘Thank you,’ Helen nodded to Madam Puddifoot who went off to get their tea and scones.
Helen sighed as she sat down and stared vacantly out of the window.
‘I know you don’t like this, Lily,’ she said quietly. ‘I know you think I’ve become really superficial, but I haven’t. I just…’
Helen looked down at the white table cloth and then looked up at Lily who was surprised to see that Helen’s eyes looked sad.
‘I… I sort of felt really lost after Sirius and I broke up, and I was compensating by doing things which were really very bad for me. I wasn’t in a good way at all. Now? Well, there’s no harm in shopping and it makes me happy now that nothing that exciting is happening in my life. When I was with Sirius- and hanging around the other boys- that was enough excitement, but now I don’t have that. So I find other things which make me temporarily happy, and new dresses and clothes give me that quick fix to get through the week. I know that the compliments are also superficial, but ever since I went out with Sirius, no one else seems to be willing to try going out with me, so it’s nice for me to hear that I’m not an ugly hag yet- even if it is from a random gay man in a shop.’
Lily stared at Helen, not sure what to say.
‘Am I over Sirius?’ Helen sighed, chewing her lip and looking back out of the window. ‘I don’t know. I think I could be, but…’
She sighed and sat up in the chair, her brow furrowing.
‘It’s so hard, because there’s so much awkwardness! I wish… I wish we could just talk and…sort of…lay the cards on the table. But we don’t! We just have these awkward chance encounters where we stare at each other and then look away… and those encounters really make me so confused and…’
Helen’s shoulders slumped and she fell silent as the waitress served them their tea and scones. Once she had left them, Helen sighed.
‘I don’t know. Sorry for ranting like this. You don’t want….’
‘No,’ Lily said, reaching across the table. ‘This is what I do want- I want you to open up because you’re obviously very confused.’
Helen looked up at Lily, looking sad.
‘But what can I say? There really is nothing to say… except for the fact that I’m finding it ridiculously hard to get over him.’
Lily bit her lip.
‘Well, maybe we…maybe…’
She noticed that Helen’s eyes were looking at the door dully and turned to see Sirius walking in with another girl.
Helen then looked to Lily and smiled sadly.
‘Maybe I should just wake up and get over myself… anyway, let’s change the topic.’
xxxx
As they walked out of the café, Helen was stopped by none other than Sirius’ date.
‘Excuse me,’ she said.
Helen turned to look at the girl, confused. She glanced at Sirius who was staring at his date, also perplexed as to why she would talk to Helen.
‘Sorry,’ the girl laughed, ‘I just couldn’t help noticing your skirt- is it Arabella Respighi, this season?’
Helen stared at the girl before blinking.
‘Oh… yes,’ she said, offhandishly, looking to Lily who looked very torn as to what they should do.
The girl beamed at Helen and then at Sirius who grimaced.
‘I knew it! I love that skirt. I saw it in Witch Weekly last week and told my friends that I really wanted it. Do you mind if I ask you how much it cost?’
Helen’s eyebrows rose dangerously high at this question and both Lily and Sirius interrupted.
‘Ruby I…’
‘Helen, we should…’
‘What?’ Ruby exclaimed. ‘I just want to…’
‘I…I’ve got to go, excuse me,’ Helen said shortly, walking out of the café quickly with Lily.
xxxx
Lily found it hard to keep up with Helen. Eventually, they reached their dorm where Helen tore her skirt off and threw it across the room.
‘Stupid, stupid skirt,’ she ranted, before sitting down on her bed and hyperventilating.
Lily sat next to Helen.
‘Helen, I…..’
Helen sprung up, her eyes livid.
‘What does he see in her? She’s a stupid, rude, and unmannerly bimbo! She has no class about her whatsoever to ask me how much my skirt cost! What’s so good about her?’
Lily stared at Helen, wanting to cry for her friend who looked so heartbroken.
‘I don’t know, Helen,’ Lily said quietly. ‘I can’t say what he might see in her, because I don’t see it.’
Helen leant against her bed post. Eventually, she spoke-
‘Lily, he’s never going to want me again, is he?’
Lily stared at Helen, not sure what to say.
‘I don’t know.’
Helen nodded, smiled at Lily, and then walked over to her skirt and put it back on.
xxxx
Helen nearly had a heart attack when he sat down in front of her at the desk in the common room. She had taken pills just before- a small step back- and wasn’t sure that she was in a coherent enough state of mind to deal with this.
‘I’m sorry about Ruby. She sometimes doesn’t understand that you can’t just ask people certain things.’
Helen knew she had to do this properly, even though it was killing her. She mustered up the strength to look up into his eyes and smiled.
‘Ah, well, not all of us can have decent social etiquette.’
Sirius raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. She knew he knew it was a little stab at his girlfriend.
They looked at each other and Helen felt her resolve weakening. She quickly looked away, and hated herself for not being strong enough.
‘Well I had better go… nice skirt, by the way.’
Helen looked up at him, shocked at the comment, but he was already walking away before she could catch his expression.
xxxx
‘He wants her. Definitely,’
Helen glared at
‘Are you sure? Or are you just saying this?’
‘No, I’m sure. He’s always checking you out when you walk into classrooms.’
‘Maybe,’ Mary said, looking uncertain as to why she had been invited into this analysis of Sirius’ passing comment on Helen’s skirt which involved making an Unbreakable Vow that nothing would be repeated to anyone outside of the dorm room.
‘Then again,’ Lily reasoned, ‘He does tend to make flirtatious passing comments like that to everyone. He could have just said it without realising that it was flirtatious.’
‘Yes, but it was a clever comment,’
‘True that,’ Mary nodded.
They all turned to Helen who was covering her ears.
‘Helen?’
‘You’re all wrong! He doesn’t want me!’
‘Well,’ Mary said, perplexed, ‘If you already knew this, why did you call this meeting?’
Helen looked pained and
‘Honestly, girl, I think I should just lock the two of you in the Potions store room for an hour, you two can shag, and then the world will be a happy place again.’
Helen glared at
‘The store room is a horrible place to shag. We’d break all those jars full of preserved creatures.’
‘True that… ‘
Lily sighed, sounding annoyed.
‘What? Have you had any ideas?’
‘I think that this is not helping you get over him, Helen,’ she said pointedly.
Helen’s shoulders slumped and she looked ashamed of herself.
‘Sorry,’ she said quietly. ‘I guess we should all go to bed, then.’
‘Aw, come on,’
‘No, Lily’s right. This is silly,’ Helen nodded. ‘Thanks for your advice, though.’
And with that, she pulled the curtains on her bed and was silent for the rest of the night.
Part 2 is below... keep reading!
- Music:Comment te dire adieu- Francoise Hardy
The next few months passed and there was just as little interaction between Helen and Sirius as there had been in the previous months. To Helen’s quiet indignance, Sirius continued to see Ruby.
‘She’s two years younger than him- that makes her 14. That’s disgusting.’
‘Okay, Helen,’ Lily sighed.
‘I mean, that’s basically paedophilic.’
‘Not quite…’
‘Should be illegal.’
‘Helen!’
‘And her clothes! She dresses like a tart. To think she wanted my skirt! I saw the substitute she bought- a cheap and crappy imitation is what it was!’
Lily sighed, wondering when Helen’s rant was going to end.
‘And she’s so stupid! And rude! Remember how she asked me how expensive my skirt was?’
‘Helen?’
‘What?’ Helen said, hardly listening as she turned to look at Andre Waldorf.
‘I was wondering if you wanted to…’
‘No,’ she said shortly, turning back to Lily and continuing to rant about Ruby.
‘…. And the thing that gets me is that no one else has asked me out ever since Sirius and I broke up! It’s like he’s put some kind of curse on me!’
Lily glared at Helen.
‘Helen,’ she snapped severely. ‘You were asked out twice on the way from Great Hall to here. You’re just so stuck in your own ‘Sirius-loving and Ruby-hating’ world that you didn’t even register the fact that Andre Waldorf asked you out!’
Helen blinked.
‘He did?’
‘Yes!’ Lily exclaimed.
Helen paused to consider this news.
‘When? I never heard him!’
‘You were mid-Ruby-rant.’
‘Fucking bitch- you see what she’s done? I didn’t even realise that Hogwarts’ richest student asked me out.’
Helen’s eyes widened suddenly as she comprehended this fact.
‘Fuck! He just asked me out? Crap! I would go out with him!’
Lily blinked, surprised.
‘You … you would?’
Helen looked at Lily as though she was crazy.
‘Of course I would! He’s rich! He can buy me jewellery and…’
‘Have you got a boyfriend, Helen?’
Helen and Lily’s eyes widened and they turned around to see James and Sirius.
‘That’s none of your business,’ Helen snapped at James.
‘Yes it is!’
‘No, it isn’t,’ Helen snapped severely walking off with Lily.
‘I had better get with Andre Waldorf sometime very soon,’ Helen hissed.
xxxx
4 am.
As usual.
It was sort of like an annoying part of his daily routine now- he even scheduled certain assignments to be completed in that hour.
Not before checking the map, however.
This time, he didn’t even need to check the Girls’ Dorms to see if she was in bed, because she was walking up the stairs to some remote tower in the school. She didn’t seem to be with anyone, however, which confused him.
What was she doing?
He decided that he needed to check up on her. Not because he cared about her, or anything. It was more him just caring for people in general. After all, that was why he wanted to become an Auror- because he had an interest in people’s safety in general.
It had nothing to do with the fact that she was his ex-girlfriend or anything. Nothing at all.
So, he abandoned his transfiguration assignment and went for a walk through the castle. It was good for his health to do such exercise, really. He didn’t go for enough walks and now that the quidditch season was over, he ran the risk of losing all of his defined muscles if he wasn’t careful.
After half an hour of climbing the stairs, however, he started cursing her. She definitely wasn’t worth this. In fact, she wasn’t worth…
But then he remembered how they used to be- before that hateful OWL day. How she would smile when she caught him looking at her, how she would kiss him quickly when no one was looking, how she would talk and talk and talk, but how it was always interesting and made him laugh, instead of giving him a headache as Ruby did…
He paused and sat on the step, feeling some kind of obscure pain in his chest. He had forced himself to forget everything about her- to become indifferent- but now that he had started to remember, he couldn’t help missing her as the memories began to flood his mind.
But was it too late?
It all happened very suddenly. She tripped over him as she walked down the stairs and he instinctively reached out and caught her, preventing her from falling down to a horrible crash. As he did, however, they both slid down a few steps. He held her tightly to his chest so that she wouldn’t hit her head.
Eventually, they stopped sliding down the steps and came to a halt on the landing and they lay there, silent and frozen. Neither able to comprehend that they could ever have gone through six months of silence and separation when they were so close once again.
Helen didn’t need to light her wand to see that it was him. She knew his scent, his chest, his arms… and having them all around her now made her want to never want to get up from the landing. She just wanted to lie there, forever, and never have to lose it.
Because this time, surely, shopping would not numb the pain.
She reached up and touched his face, but stopped when she heard his breath catching.
‘Are you hurt?’ she whispered.
‘No,’ he whispered back.
She felt as though her heart might burst as he took her hand in his own and kissed her finger tips.
‘I must be concussed,’ she muttered, her eyes fluttering shut.
‘What day is it, then?’ he murmured.
‘I never know what day it is. You should know that,’ she smiled, not wanting to come out of this blissful concussion.
‘Okay then. You seem to have a new habit for fashion these days… so what were you wearing today?’
‘My Yves St Laurent white blouse, my blue Armani skirt and….’
‘Okay. Don’t know those labels, but you were wearing a white blouse and skirt,’ Sirius said, laughing softly.
Helen smiled, still refusing to open her eyes.
‘How do you know what I was wearing?’
‘I make it a point to notice what you’re wearing. Haven’t you heard that you’re the Style Icon of Hogwarts these days?’
‘Hmm.’
‘So, ma cherie, I have to know what you’re wearing because, as Hogwarts’ most eligible bachelor, I have to know what important people in Hogwarts are up to.
Helen smiled, but then frowned.
‘But you’re not a bachelor,’ she whispered.
‘I think you’ll find I am. Ruby thought I must be gay because I told her that her skirt looked like a horribly cheap copy of yours.’
Helen laughed at this and it echoed a little.
‘I don’t want to get up,’ she whispered.
‘I’m quite comfortable here, myself,’ Sirius grinned, wryly.
‘Good,’ was all she replied.
They lay in silence for a while and Sirius started toying with her hair.
‘You dyed your hair.’
‘I know.’
‘Black.’
‘Yes.’
‘Can I ask something?’
‘Hm?’
‘Why the sudden change in image?’
‘The answer is not for your ears. You may ask Lily in ten years. I’m sure I’ll have forgotten about you by then.’
‘Forgotten about me?’ Sirius frowned.
‘Yes. That’s my plan. Tonight’s a major set back in my plan, but hopefully this time we’ll part on better terms so I won’t be so confused…’
‘I’m not really understanding you, you know,’ Sirius interrupted.
‘Thank Merlin, for that,’ Helen muttered.
They lay in silence for a while longer.
‘What were you doing up there?’ he asked, eventually.
‘Sitting.’
‘Sitting?’
‘Yes. There’s a room up there. It’s empty, and lovely and bright because it’s very close to the sky and there are many windows- so the stars and moon always light it up.’
‘And what do you do in this lovely room?’
‘I told you- I sit there. And think.’
‘At 4 am?’
‘I have classes during the day. 4 am is the best time. Sometimes, if I’m awake enough, I go there to watch the sun rise. It’s very beautiful.’
Sirius stared down at her and brushed his thumb over her high, chiselled cheekbones. She furrowed her eyebrows, but still said nothing.
‘What were you doing here?’
‘Ah, that answer is for you in 10 years. Though I can’t say that I’ll be over you by then so let’s make it 40 years.’
‘Forty years?’ Helen repeated.
‘Good point, ma cherie. Let’s make it 60.’
She laughed.
‘You’re already over me.’
‘Then why do you think I’m here?’
‘I don’t know. Because I have concussion?’
‘Wrong.’
‘Because you always seem to be everywhere and it’s just the sort of thing you would do- sneaking around the castle to find new rooms and parts of it?’
‘Well, that is true of my character, but still not why I’m here.’
‘Hmm. I’m out… though if you’re here because you were stalking me, then I have to say that that’s just creepy.’
‘Oh.’
Helen smiled and then quirked an eye open. When it had focused enough to see that Sirius was staring down at her, she opened the other and smiled. He smiled back at her.
‘I think you almost killed me,’ she said pointedly. ‘Honestly! Who sits on a staircase?’
‘A lovesick man?’
Helen ignored the comment and rubbed her thumb lightly over a cut on his jaw.
‘I also happened to save you,’ Sirius added lightly.
‘Hmm.’
She leant forward and Sirius’ breath quickened. His heart sank when she only kissed him on the cheek.
‘Thank you for saving me, then.’
He grinned.
‘Only on the cheek?’
‘I am a lady! What more do you expect?’
Sirius raised his eyebrows, but Helen finally sat up, feeling sad as she realised that the sun would rise and the night end- as would their time together.
She then looked down at Sirius who sat up on his elbows, watching her.
‘Do you have the time?’ she asked.
He looked to his watch.
‘It’s 6.30,’ he replied.
She chewed her lip.
‘Would you like to watch the sun rise? It was a clear night, so I think the sun will be brilliant this morning.’
He smiled and stood up, extending a hand to help her up. She took it tentatively and they walked up the stairs to the room.
Sure enough, there was the glimmer of the ruby sun in the horizon.
They looked at each other, still holding hands, and sat against the wall facing the sun.
The sun rose slowly, but surely. And it was beautiful- the hues of amber, ruby and gold, the colours which seeped through the room and bathed their faces in their warmth.
Warmth which they needed, after their coolness towards each other over the past six months.
Eventually, however, they turned from the sun to look at each other. Slowly, their lips met- brushing lightly at first as their jagged breaths mingled- and then more passionately as they lay across the floor and explored the others’ bodies, as they had done before that fateful day six months ago.
But then Helen suddenly pushed Sirius off her, looking at him with wide eyes. He looked at her and smiled, kissing her cheek.
‘You never had to change your clothes and hair for me to notice you,’ he whispered. ‘You were always beautiful to me, and I always noticed you.’
She stared at him, still silent.
‘And I’ll never do this to you ever again,’ he said solemnly.
She looked up at him, before whispering.
‘Promise?’
He smiled and kissed her again, surprised at how tightly she had pulled him towards her.
Suddenly, they both felt very warm and turned to the window to see that the sun had risen fully and that the room was brilliantly bright.
‘Wow,’ Sirius whispered, staring at it. ‘You were right. It is beautiful.’
Helen smiled at him and he eventually turned from the sun to see her watching him and kissed her again.
He didn’t look back at the sun again that morning.
xxxx
Please tell me what you thought!
I probably won’t update again for a while after this post as well due to my very busy life at the moment… but this was very long so I hope it acts as some kind of compensation!
Love Anya
- Music:Comment te dire adieu- Francoise Hardy
Odette
He & Od are in a second-hand book store. They are having a day out shopping to be followed by lunch. Whilst Odette happily browses the ‘Classics’ section,
.
Od- What’s that?
He jumps in shock and Od looks at He strangely.
Od- You’re jumpy…. What’s wrong?
He blushes and shows Od the journal.
He (whispering)- This is a couple’s sex journal. It’s…
Od swallows as she reads the page He was on.
Od (her voice shaking)- It’s… so…
He (hoarsely)- Hot.
Od- How much is it?
He- Hands off, it’s mine!
Od- Surely I can make a duplicate copy!
He looks at Od before shrugging.
He- I suppose…. But you have to contribute to the cost, then.
Od rolls her eyes and they go to pay.
…
He- Fifty fucking galleons! It better be worth it.
Od- Why is Alphie on a mission? Why?
He smirks at Od
He- You’ll just have to wait… though, I think this is going to be a very good welcome back for him, judging by how tightly you seem to be pressing your legs together.
Od looks forlorn
Od (confessing)- I’ve never masturbated. And I’ve never been so tempted to as I am now.
He stares at Od in disbelief.
He- Never? You’ve…. Never?!
Od- No.
He- Boy! How do you survive?
Od- Usually Alphie is around, so I don’t feel the need to anyway.
He shrugs and they both look at the book on the coffee table in between them.
He- I want to read it. I know I don’t see you all that often but…
Od- Me too.
He- Well, hurry up and make your duplicate, then!
Od whips out her wand and points to the book. He suddenly pushes Od’s arm out of the way.
He- Allow me. I don’t want you to wreck the book
Od (sourly)- I beat you at charms!
He- I don’t care. It’s my book and you look too antsy to concentrate.
He (pointing her wand at the book)- Duplicato.
Sure enough, a ‘duplicate’ version of the book appears and Od seizes it. The two girls sit on the couch and immerse themselves in reading the book.
…
Od barely even kisses Al when he walks into her room, returning from a long and dangerous practice mission.
Od- On the bed. Now.
Al (confused)- Eh?
Od ignores him and looks to the book for a quick, ‘last-minute’ once over to make sure she’s got the technique right.
…
Al- Oh my…. Fucking Merlin’s Beard!
Od sighs happily, feeling finally very content and lies back next to Al, glancing at the book on her bedside table affectionately. That was definitely the best sex she has ever had.
Al (trying to catch his breath)- Where… did… you…learn….
Od kisses him and then lies down again, closing her eyes.
Al (suddenly)- Oh my God, you had it off with someone didn’t you? How else would you have learnt to….
Od looks annoyed.
Od- I don’t appreciate being called a two-timing slag by my fiancé.
Al- Well where did you learn to…
Od- Helena and I made an investment in a particular book. It’s amazing.
Al- Can I see?
Od sighs and hands him the book.
…
The next day, Al, An, X and Ol all pay He a visit, expectant of a duplicate copy of her book. She is annoyed at all except for X to whom she suggests he study page 25.
…
That evening, Al is asleep. Od, unable to sleep, sits up and turns to her favourite entry of the book. It’s not the most sexually adventurous, nor is it particularly exciting, but she finds it very interesting and touching all the same because she can completely empathise with the author.
30/05/80
Making Love
We had an argument today over what constitutes the difference between making love and having sex. S thinks that they’re the same thing but women call all forms of sex ‘making love’ to sugar coat it.
I disagree.
I think that having sex is what we do most of the time. Otherwise, we could never have started this sex journal. Sex can be passionate, wild, crazy and adventurous- it’s all about the pleasure.
This is why you can have sex with total strangers in one night stands. Similarly, however, you can have sex with someone with whom you’re completely in love with and attuned to.
Like us.
Making love is different. I don’t care what S thinks, I know he knows it’s different. Making love is what you do when you don’t care about reaching an orgasm. It’s what you do when all you want to do is become completely one with your partner- both physically and spiritually.
It’s not crazy. It’s never adventurous, nor is it wild. I suppose the only similarity to sex is that it’s still passionate- but it’s a different kind of passion. It’s much deeper.
It usually seems to happen when one of us has had a really horrible day, or when something bad in the world has happened…
Or when something good has happened which brings us closer.
You could never make love with a stranger.
Today we didn’t have sex. We made love, which is why I’m writing this entry and not S. It’s not as though either of us had a particularly bad day, though. It was very bittersweet as it marked the anniversary of our final NEWT exams * and everything that came along with that. I felt really funny today. Sort of empty- like our life was missing something.
Anyway. It was strange, because I don’t think we’ve made love for a very long time, but tonight that’s what it was. There was no experimentation or torn sheets or anything… it was just quiet, sweet and very personal between us. I didn’t even orgasm but, strangely enough, I felt far more satisfied after it was over this time, than all the other times we’ve had sex.
Making love is under-rated by so many. I think a lot of us should get over the stigma they associate with it and try it more often.
*Helen wrote this because it also marked the anniversary of her miscarriage, but as S didn’t know about the miscarriage at the time and he was also co-writing the journal, she had to use that event as her reference.
…
A/N: This post is my present to runjhun for her 17th Birthday. Happy birthday dear!
The journal idea was also thought up by the clever birthday girl! I must say, she does have excellent ideas! Soon, I’ll be out of work in this writing business!
Anyway. Hope you all enjoyed this post. It was as long as I could make it given my time constraints at the moment.
Much love,
Anya
- Music:'Angels'- Within Temptation
Sirius & Helen
S is sitting on the couch, waiting for H who is rushing about the house in a rush. There is a crash and he glances up at the ceiling.
S sighs and then calls- Helen? Are you okay?
H (calling back)- Yeah, I’m fine…
S yawns and then settles back down into staring blankly at the fireplace.
S (muttering)- The way she’s carrying on, we’re never going to leave.
…
Two hours later, H still is not ready. S is rather fed up now. He gets up, runs up the stairs, and finds H is frowning over which swim suit she should pack.
S- That’s it. I’ve changed my mind.
H looks up at him.
H- Eh?
S- The way you’re going, we’re never going to leave.
H- But we said to leave by today! We never agreed on a time!
S- Yeah, but the way you’re going, it’ll be next week and you’ll still be packing.
H (indignantly)- Hey!
S- So I’ve decided that we’ll both just take two empty trunks and buy everything we need while we’re there.
H- Are you mad?
S- I don’t care.
H- Sirius, we don’t have the money to…
S- Of course we do! With my retiring bonus from the ministry last year!
H- But that all went to paying James back for your treatment
S- Half of it. We haven’t really even touched the other half.
H- That won’t be enough.
S- Of course it will.
H- But that’s your retiring money! What will we do when we get back and it’s depleted?
S- Well the business is going marvellously so that’ll definitely set us up with an ample disposable income.
H glowers at S.
H- This is a stupid idea. I’m not doing it.
S grins.
S- You are.
S summons two empty trunks, grabs her hand, and apparates them to the portkey with H slapping him all the way there.
…
S sighs and puts down his magazine to see that H is still in a strop with him. They are on a train to Egypt
S- Look, Helen, don’t ruin this trip by starting off on a sour note. It’s not fun.
H- What’s no fun is that I have no clean clothes, underwear… anything! Do you know that I actually bought certain things prior to this trip for it?
S shrugs.
S- Wear it when we get back.
H glares at him and crosses her arms.
S (lightly)- On the plus side, you’re always way better in the bedroom when you’re in this kind of mood.
H (acidly)- Oh, so you prefer me when I’m sleeping, do you?
S- Eh?
H- You’re way in over your head if you think that we’re having sex tonight.
S rolls his eyes and they are once a